


May The Tides Bring You Peace

by kimikokun



Category: Warcraft - All Media Types, World of Warcraft
Genre: Emotional Rollercoaster, Eventual Romance, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jaina finally gets to nap, Jaina is a baby gay, Self-Harm, Seriously its pretty up and down, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Vereesa is number one soff elf, tags will be added as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-10-11 09:24:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17444216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimikokun/pseuds/kimikokun
Summary: After arriving too late at the Battle of Lordaeron, Jaina is at the end of her tether. Too many had died from her mistakes and she had lost so much.And yet through it all, she had one thing that made everything worth the effort.





	1. They Said A Storm Was Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there is a lot of lore in wow and I'm hoping it is all right apart from where this diverges from Battle for Azeroth. If any of this is wrong please tell me and I will amend it. This is unbeta'd so hopefully there is no mistakes.

Jaina wasn’t sure how long she had stared into the icy dark ocean. The wind was turbulent around her, whipping up large waves that crashed loudly against the cliff face she sat upon, covering her face in sea spray. The weather was just a reflection of show she felt inside, raging memories of the past turning over in her head like a carousel non-stop of all the mistakes she had made in her life. Arthas. Theramore. Her absence from the Broken Isles. And the most recent failing: Lordaeron.

 

She had been too late to assist the Alliance win the battle, arriving after the blight had spread far and wide over the battlefield leaving thousands choking to death on toxic fumes. Her heart even ached for the Horde soldiers that were killed by the blight spreaders. She was able to portal Anduin, the other Alliance leaders and the few hundred soldiers remaining to the safety of Stormwind harbour; a small grace in the eyes of such darkness. Unable to see the judgement in their eyes, she had ported immediately herself to a place she had frequented many times as a child. A cliff face high above the swirling depths in Tiragarde Sound. This was the first visit to Kul Tiras that Jaina had made since she started studying in Dalaran with the Kirin Tor, baring a brief visit to set up the portal location to her current position.

 

After Daelin’s and Derek’s deaths she certainly wasn’t welcome in Kul-Tiras any longer, but no one from her homeland knew she was there. It hurt to be so close yet so far from her childhood home, but this place gave her the quiet she longed for away from prying eyes and pitying looks. A blanket of numbness to mask her inadequacies. The battle had been a week ago and every day she would come here for hours on end, only to port straight back into her room in Dalaran to fall into uneasy sleep and succumb to nightmares.

 

It was taking its toll. She couldn’t take anymore. Everything she cared about had been ripped from her piece by piece leaving her with only a hollow shell of what she once was, a far cry from the lively up and coming Kirin Tor apprentice she was years ago. Not the first time since visiting her sanctuary, she thought about throwing herself from the cliff and letting the tides take her. The thought of her final resting place being the waves she grew up on gave her a sense of peace. A way out of the stormy seas she currently faired. Jaina didn’t know what held her back and kept her in the chokehold of pain and suffering. Perhaps it was the thought of the ones that still lived that she thought she could protect. Or the crippling guilt that she didn’t deserve such an easy way out. If she hadn’t turned her back on Arthas before he succumbed to Frostmourne, maybe he would have survived uncorrupted. The scourge wouldn’t have marched on Silvermoon. Sylvanas wouldn’t have died and become the tyrannical horde Warchief that burned Teldrassil and decimated the Alliance.

 

Rain started to pour from the heavens, soaking Jaina through her heavy cloak, the chill seeping into her bones. She shivered and reasoned it was time to go home, conjuring the portal to her dorm as she stood. There was still an hour before nightfall and decided on a bath to chase away the cold that inhabited her. After becoming acclimated to the heat of the tub, she found her mind wandering again. A tender kiss between her and Kalec. A manabomb detonating on Theramore. She submerged her head under the water, holding her breath until her chest burned with the need for air, the momentary physical pain distracting her from her internal scars.

 

She rose to the surface, breathing rapidly to fill her lungs with oxygen once again. As she began to regain control of her breathing, she heard a familiar voice calling her name from her bedroom. The thought of seeing someone right now filled Jaina with and icy feeling in her veins, but she couldn’t turn the visitor away. A victim of her actions that she didn’t feel forgiven for even though she had been told countless times she was.

 

“Give me a minute!” she called back, sighing as she left the lukewarm water and wrapping herself in a gown after drying. Still towel drying her hair, she entered her room to be met with Vereesa dressed in a simple white cloth shirt and leather breeches perched on the end of her bed staring at her with sad eyes.

 

“I’ve been trying to find you all week,” Vereesa started softly, “I heard about Lordaeron.”

 

Jaina looked away, tears forming unable to stand the undeserved sympathy in her eyes and moved around Vereesa to pull out a night gown from the draw over by the window.

 

As she passed, a gentle hand grabbed her wrist halting her movement. She stared down at the slender fingers that trapped her. Nowhere near enough pressure to stop her removing herself from the grip but she found herself unable to tear herself away. The fingers unclasped and trailed up her arm to push her chin upwards as Vereesa stood before her, angling her neck down to capture Jaina’s eyes again.

 

Vereesa scanned across her eyes, a frown tugging at her lips for a moment before pulling her into a tight hug. Jaina settled her head on her clavicle and returned the hug, breathing in the familiar scent of her friend in the crook of her neck, feeling a tightness start to fade away from her muscles at the welcoming embrace.

 

Vereesa had been her closest friend over the years, brought together by a shared tragedy. Jaina felt the loss of Rhonin every day, nevermore so than when Vereesa was around her. The guilt had started to fade over the years with Vereesa’s forgiving heart and friendly smile, but the pit of self-loathing she was plunged into at the moment was making it all rear its ugly head again. Rhonin should be here hugging Vereesa, not her. But for the moment she allowed herself to be selfish.

 

Tears started to flow steadily, soaking into Vereesa’s shirt and a broken sob escaped her throat. The arms tightened around her and began to stroke at her back, providing a comfort she hadn’t felt in so long and still didn’t deserve.

 

“I- I failed again Vereesa. I didn’t get there in time.”

 

“Shh Jaina. You weren’t part of the battle to begin with. The fact you saved what you could was a miracle in itself,” Vereesa soothed, bringing one hand up from her back to tangle in the damp hair at the nape of her neck. The light scrape of nails against her skin made her shudder through another sob.

 

Far too soon, Vereesa started to pull away, holding onto her shoulders to look into her eyes once more. The hands slipped up her neck to cup her cheeks, thumbs wiping away the wetness underneath her eyes. The touch seemed rather intimate to Jaina, a blush crept up her cheeks at the thought, skin burning under Vereesa’s calloused palms.

 

“Have you slept at all this past week?” Vereesa asked, looking at what Jaina supposed was the dark circles underneath her eyes. From a fleeting look in a mirror the day before she knew they were pretty dark, her irises a dull dark blue. The lack of appetite was starting to show around her torso too.

 

“I’ve tried. Every time I fall asleep, I’m paralysed in nightmares.”

 

Vereesa sighs and steps around Jaina, retrieving something from the bedside table. She produced a bottle of Dalaran red and held it up as a question, “I thought we could have a drink and talk. Only if you want to though. Like old times.”

 

Jaina bit her lip and nodded, shakily sliding onto one side of the bed propped up against the pillows as Vereesa mirrored her on the other side. She knew that normality meant faking her way through the conversation. She couldn’t tell Vereesa about how inviting the ocean looked. Couldn’t tell her how truly she was suffering. It would only bring Vereesa down with her and she had done that enough.

 

Vereesa popped the cork and offered it to Jaina first. She took several large swigs, savouring the fruity taste and passed it back. The lack of food meant it wouldn’t be long until it kicked in. The thought of drowning out the pain in a bottle made her wonder why she hadn’t done this before tonight.

 

“First off, where have you been? I’ve come here every day, and no one has seen or heard from you. I was starting to think the worst had happened,” Vereesa started, taking a large drink herself and turning to face Jaina.

 

Jaina hestitated before answering, “I’ve been visiting a place from my childhood,” she finally admitted.

 

Vereesa’s eyes widened at the information, “but I thought you were essentially exiled from Kul Tiras? What if they catch you?”

 

Jaina grabbed for the bottle again, giving a snort of laughter at the notion and drank, “it is far enough away from people that no one will find me. Not that I don’t deserve to be punished.”

 

“Jaina we’ve talked about this. Theramore and your father’s and brothers passing wasn’t your fault.”

 

She stared down at her hands and began to fiddle with her fingers, not knowing how to answer. The shackles that contained the full brunt of her emotions was rattling, preparing to set free. The outburst of tears earlier was merely the surface of what she had inside.

 

“Can we talk about something else? Anything. Just not this. I can’t without breaking,” she trembled on the last few words, beginning to shake visibly at trying to contain the onslaught.

 

An arm around her shoulder pulling her closer brought her to rest her head on Vereesa’s chest. After a moment of hesitation, she placed her arm tentatively over Vereesa’s stomach.

 

“Of course we can dear. I don’t want to cause you pain.” Vereesa then steered the conversation to easier territory. Stories of Giramar and Galadin turning 10, their ambitions of following their mothers’ footsteps as a ranger of the Silver Covenant. It was easy for Jaina to just listen, only piping up to ask a small question every so often and further the conversation. After an hour of incessant chatter and three quarters of a bottle down, Jaina was feeling relaxed and positively numb, almost falling asleep on Vereesa’s chest at the steady rhythm of her heartbeat under her ear.

 

Jaina was so engrossed in the sound against her ear she didn’t notice Vereesa had stopped talking until fingers tangled in her hair and started to scratch idly at her scalp. She sighed and closed her eyes giving into the exhaustion that was pinning her down. A low hum of a song she didn’t know started up in Vereesa’s chest and Jaina found herself falling deeper into unconsciousness. She vaguely remembered being repositioned and the duvet being brought over her body before snuggling deeper into the covers.

 

Xxx

 

The nightmares started out the same as they had all week. Sailing in on her ship enchanted with arcane and looking upon the battlefield of blighted bodies. Genn Greymane wheezing out his last breaths around the multiple arrows sticking through his chest, Anduin on his knees head bowed before Sylvanas. It was different this time though. As she neared, the image shifted to seeing herself where Sylvanas once stood with Vereesa knelt at her feet. Although she wasn’t close enough to hear, the words spilling out of the other Jaina echoed loud and clear in her head.

 

“ _I’ll only end up killing you in the end. Might as well get it over with.”_ The other Jaina smiled darkly up at her, sharp canines poking out behind her lips, blue tendrils of light drifting from her glowing blue eyes before looking down at the elf before her. Her hands carefully wrapped around Vereesa’s neck, giving a caress before forcefully twisting her grasp to the right. As her hands fell to her side, Vereesa’s limp body fell forward to the ground.

 

Jaina began to scream, readying ice lances in her hands and throwing them hastily at the other Jaina who just threw her head back and laughed even as the lances pierced her body.

 

“Jaina!”

 

A loud shout pierced through her consciousness, startling her awake in the darkness and fought against the hands that held onto her. The hands held steady as she thrashed, digging her nails as hard as she could into the intruder’s forearms. The person hissed and let go, only to return to hold onto her face in a vice like grip.

 

“Jaina, its me calm down!” Jaina’s eyes finally focused enough to see the outline of Vereesa’s face inches from hers in the darkness, her hair tousled and eyes wide at the scene before her.

 

The stammering of Jaina’s heart kept its frantic pace and without thinking she closed the distance and kissed her forcefully.

 

Vereesa froze for a second before returning the kiss with the same ferocity. Their lips melded together perfectly, moving in time with each other as if they had done this a hundred times. Vereesa parted her lips slighty and Jaina traced her tongue against her lips. The elf granted her entry and Jaina snaked her tongue in, flicking against her sharp canines hard enough for her to taste iron.

 

The sensation helped clear the mist that had descended on her mind and she pulled back abruptly gasping for air and beginning to tremble with the realisation at what she had done. Jaina thought she could see desire in Vereesa’s eyes but whatever it was was replaced with worry.

 

Before Vereesa could say anything, Jaina scrambled off the bed still feeling the affects of the wine and hastily summoned a portal. She stumbled through to Vereesa calling her name and quickly closed it once she was on the other side, falling onto the wet grass in only her dressing gown.

 

She had kissed her friend. The friend whose husband she hadn’t been able to save. The thought that she had ruined everything assaulted her mind, seeming to take precedent over the other tragedies that rattled around in there. Losing Vereesa would be too much. Everyone she got close to suffered and she would be damned if she would let the nightmare come true. Vereesa had already lost so much and it wasn’t fair of Jaina to do anything like that.

 

Before that moment, the thought of kissing Vereesa had not crossed her mind. Of course she was beautiful, her elven figure was attractive and the way her ears expressed so much that her face didn’t charmed Jaina. But now that she lingered on the thought of her lithe body, her lips against hers, she realised she could see Vereesa that way.

 

“ _No._ Stop it. Stop ruining people’s lives!” she screams and pounds at the moist earth, tearing out chunks of grass and throwing them around her. Her hands began to glow with arcane, wind beginning to race around her and the sound of thunder rumbling above her. As more power built up in her fists, a storm eye began to form, lightning striking down from the thick storm clouds that were gathering illuminating the ocean below the cliffs.

 

She raised to her feet, her heart racing and surging with power that encompassed her body and walked towards the cliff edge and peered at the jagged rocks far below from where she stood. Raising her eyes to look deep into the ocean she shouted, “Have the tides forsaken me then? Is this what you want?”

 

Of course no answer came, but it still angered her. A flash of lightning and an ear-splitting rumble of thunder sounded once again, and she made up her mind. The glow of magic faded from her hands as a feeling of peace settled over her. No more would anyone hurt because of her. With an unnatural calm, she stepped from the cliff and plunged into the icy waters below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is my first post on here. First true attempt at creative writing for like 7 years. No idea if I will continue this, will see what the response is. If I were to, I think it would be pretty dark and not all fluff so be warned! Hope you guys liked it!


	2. Chapter 2

The pain was exquisite.

 

Lungs burning from the lack of air, body aching from her impact with the water. It quietened the tempest of her mind to near silence, allowing Jaina to feel a mental release and sick sense of pleasure at how good it felt to be in agony.

 

_I deserve this. I deserve pain._

 

And yet in that moment she didn’t want to die. Even after everything, her sense of self-preservation still won out. At the time of stepping from the precipice, she hadn’t thought about what Vereesa would think about her death. Through the tranquillity she now possessed, she could imagine Vereesa panicking and pacing back in her room at her sudden disappearance. _Her friend,_ who she still owed a debt to. The battle between ending it all and saving Vereesa the suffering of a friendship, and the sorrow that she would surely endure at Jaina’s death was a hard one. A long period of discomfort compared to a clean break. Jaina wasn’t so vain as to think the world revolved around her, but she knew her friend would mourn.

 

_Are we friends after that?_ She mused to herself. She could feel a phantom tingle in her lips at the thought of kissing Vereesa. The way that she had kissed her back with the same level of emotion as if she wanted it too. The fact that they were both under the influence at the time soured the memory slightly, but she couldn’t stop the hope beginning to flutter in her heart at the thought.

 

After Kalec she had been lonely for many years and she thought that was okay. That she didn’t need anyone and was strong enough to get by on her own for fear of hurting them. She didn’t realise how much she missed the comfort of an intimate hug. The feeling of being _wanted._ Although she didn’t expect anything from Vereesa, her mind gave up the battle of trying to justify a so called clean break. She wouldn’t put Vereesa through the pain of losing someone else after she had already lost so much.

 

Using her waning consciousness, she managed to summon a water elemental beside her to wrap around her and thrust her to the water’s surface. The elemental dragged her to the rocks as she coughed up the water in her airways and fought desperately for air. The water had calmed from when she fell thankfully, allowing her to rest on the rock with the waves lapping only lightly lapping at her feet.

 

Jaina dismissed the elemental and watched the water slowly trickle back and mix with the ocean once more. The water she had swallowed came up full force as she expelled the contents of her stomach, the exertion of the activity and the cool breeze hitting her drenched skin making her shake violently. The act doubled the pain radiating out from her bones and what she thought was fractured ribs.

 

She was falling deeper into oblivion, the edges of her vision fading to black. Without really feeling the motion she conjured an unstable portal to her room in Dalaran. She smiled slightly as two strong hands wrapped underneath her arms and dragged her through before the world fell away to nothing.

 

Xxx

 

Jaina wasn’t sure where she was but she knew she wasn’t dead.

 

The feeling of a warm glow settled over her ribs was what roused her from her comatose state. The dull pain radiating from that area was retreating the longer the warmth remained and she became aware of the sounds around her. The faint sounds of a city at work with dull chatter she couldn’t make out, a hum of power from above her ribs and the steady breathing of two people on either side of what she thought was the bed she currently laid on. She guessed the hum and warmth was from a healer tending to her wounds, but the other person in the room was unknown to her.

 

After what felt like a few minutes, she was able to sense the rest of her body. The aches beginning to subside from her battered frame, the cool silk sheets and pillows underneath her bare back and head, what felt like a sheet draped across her front, a faint pressure gripping her left palm. That one peaked her interest the most. The more awake she became the more she noticed about the hand that held hers. Strong calloused hands from years of war wielding a bow.

 

Her heart began to pound in her chest. Vereesa was next to her. Vereesa was _holding her hand_. The elation she felt plummeted sharply when she realised it was probably her that pulled her back through the portal. The one to rescue her, to see her teetering on the edge and dragging her back from the brink of death. Without the pain to distract her the guilt began to flare up again making her wonder why on earth she thought this would be better than giving herself to the tides.

 

_Because she is happy you’re alive?_ A small voice sounded underneath the turmoil.

 

Vereesa’s trained elven ears must have been able to hear the change of her heart as she squeezed Jaina’s hand lightly. A cool hand brushed against her clammy forehead, soothing the heat and wiping away a few beads of sweat she hadn’t realised had formed.

 

“Jaina, are you with me?” Vereesa asked softly, the hand on her forehead moving to cup her cheek. Jaina kept her eyes closed, unwilling for the moment to witness the scene around her.

 

Her first attempt to talk failed, her throat sore and dry. The hands holding onto her vanished for a couple of seconds and then returned, one to the back of her head to hold it up, and another pressing a glass to her lips.

 

She took a few small sips, most of it missing and dribbling down her chin. Her head was laid down again on the pillow and the mess was wiped away. Vereesa’s hand moved to grasp her hand again as she struggled to find the right words to say.

 

“I’m so sorry,” was the only thing that came to mind. It came out rasped and a tell-tale prick started in her eyes.

 

“You don’t have to be sorry, I’m just glad you’re alright.”

 

A hand brushed away loose strands of hair away from her forehead before a warm kiss was placed there briefly.

 

The person on the other side of her coughed slightly, “Most of the damage should be healed, the rest will follow on its own. I will take my leave now,” a female voice she didn’t recognise said.

 

The warm thrum receded from her body and she missed the warmth already. Vereesa said a short goodbye as the healer left, the door clicking shut audibly.

 

Jaina took that moment to blearily open her eyes before closing them instantly. The sunlight filtering in from her left through her bedroom window was too intense and she hissed, black spots flashing over her vision.

 

Immediately the curtain was drawn and she wearily opened them again, blinking away the spots. The first thing she noticed was that Vereesa was sat next to her on a chair pulled to the side of the bed wearing the same clothes she last saw her in. When she looked at her face, she was sad to see the tiredness in her eyes.

 

“Well hey there, sleepyhead,” Vereesa smiled tenderly down at her, giving her hand a squeeze. The pure relief in Vereesa’s face filled Jaina with a warm feeling that stretched throughout her whole body.

 

_She is happy to see you alive_ the small voice in her head rejoiced.

 

_She’s only relieved because she felt guilty of being responsible for your pain_ a dark, loud and dominant voice echoed back.

 

Even with the internal debate, she couldn’t help the small smile on her face and the tears of happiness that rushed down her cheeks.

 

She looked down at their entwined hands “How long have I been out?”

 

“Little over two days. I don’t know what happened to you Jaina but I’m so sorry if my actions caused this” Vereesa paused before continuing in a small voice, “I will leave if you want me to, just say the words.”

 

_All she feels is guilt_

_She is genuinely sorry about what happened._

The back and forth of her mind was making her temples ache. Selfishly she didn’t want Vereesa to leave. She wanted her to wrap her arms around her and whisper sweet nothings like she had done in the past until the voices shut up. Two days Vereesa had potentially sat at her side. Two days seemingly without leaving to clean up or attend to other matters. Jaina couldn’t stand another level of guilt being slid on top of the already unstable pile.

 

“Y- You should go and freshen up. The kids are probably wondering about you,” she stammered around the lump forming in her throat. The tears had stopped falling but she felt they could start again depending on the answer.

 

“The kids are fine. I asked Alleria to take them hunting. I can stay here as long as you need me to. She doesn’t know about this.”

 

Jaina sighed, slightly with happiness, but mostly annoyed she was inconveniencing more people.

 

“At least take the opportunity to freshen up? I don’t think I’m going to be moving for a while.”

 

“Is that your way of telling me that I smell bad?” Vereesa teased. Jaina looked up again to be met with a dazzling smile, perfect teeth on display. How had she never seen her in this light before? It was like a filter had been taken off her sight, truly allowing her to see Vereesa in all her stunning elven beauty. Long flowing pale blonde hair, high cheekbones and dazzling pools of azure for eyes that seemed to reflect more years of life than Jaina had existed. Slender elf ears that were relaxed at the moment, no underlying tension to be seen.

 

“I don’t think you’ve ever smelt bad around me. You can use my quarters for a wash if you would like?” It was true. Vereesa never smelt bad. After countless hugs over the years, Jaina had decided that Vereesa’s scent could be described as earthy. Like she had been out on a hunt in the forests while it rained. It was familiar.

 

“I think I will take you up on that offer, I’ll be back soon.” Vereesa rose and plant another kiss on Jaina’s forehead. Before she could even think of anything to say, she had already closed the door to the bathroom behind her.

 

She was stunned momentarily at the action. It had seemed natural for Vereesa to do that. Before today, she had never done this no matter what state Jaina was in. Hope sparked in her chest again.

 

To busy herself while she faintly heard the bath filling, she tested moving each part slowly. Only a faint ache of exertion remained, allowing her to easily slip herself under the covers. Although she had been out like a light, she didn’t feel rested. She was starving and exhausted. She pulled the cover over her head not caring whether it was an acceptable time to sleep and closed her eyes.

 

The water shut off and after a few minutes of silence she heard Vereesa humming. And for the second time, Jaina found herself drifting off to the sound.

 

Xxx

 

_Of course the nightmares came. She would be stupid to think they were anything but a part of her life now, but this was a new one. This time she stood before a burning Theramore, an eerie version of a furious Rhonin stood before her in torn and burnt Kirin Tor robes. His fiery red hair a far cry from his usual neat style._

_“So you let me die, and now you’re trying to get with my wife?” he snarled, taking a step towards her._

_“I’m not trying to do anything, Rhonin! I didn’t mean for this to happen…” she cowered as he stopped directly in front of her, his chest mere inches from her._

_“Don’t play with me, Jaina. Vereesa isn’t yours to have. All you do is taint and hurt people. You won’t stop until she is dead,” Rhonin grabbed her throat with one hand and squeezed with unnatural strength. She clawed at his hands desperately, finding no purchase as he closed off her windpipe._

_“I’ll make sure you can’t hurt her again!”_

Jaina awoke, gasping and clawing at her neck at the ghost of Rhonin’s hand, leaving red angry nail marks that broke the skin in places. It was dark in her room now, the curtain having been reopened at some point to allow in a slither of streetlight. It was enough for her to see she wasn’t alone.

 

She turned her head to the left to see Vereesa curled on her side in fresh clothes on top of the covers looking as if she wanted to help but was scared to do anything after last time.

 

Nothing was said between them as Jaina’s breathing began to return to normal. The pain from her scratching was beginning to make itself known and it was welcome distraction from the vision that still danced behind her eyes.

 

“Are you okay?” Vereesa whispered hesitantly.

 

“I can’t live like this, Vereesa,” she sighed.

 

Vereesa seemed to hesitate, “you said Rhonin’s name in your sleep.”

 

“Fuck,” Jaina muttered, closing her eyes.

 

“I don’t… I don’t know what you saw Jaina, but his death wasn’t your fault. I still mourn yes, but I’ve made my peace with what happened. You need to let go,” Vereesa said sternly. As Jaina was about to respond, Vereesa continued in a softer voice, “I don’t know why you kissed me the other day, but if that is one of the things going around in your head, I want you to know that I was a willing party in that.”

 

Jaina’s eyes snapped open at the admission. She could faintly make out a blush on Vereesa’s cheeks.

 

“I don’t know why I did either,” she admitted. Vereesa’s ears began to droop so she quickly continued “but if you were okay with it happening, then I… I don’t regret it,” she decided on.

 

Vereesa’s ears shot back up in what Jaina guessed was happiness if the smile on her face was anything to go by. Vereesa scooted closer towards her so their noses almost touched and she could feel Vereesa’s warm breath fan her face.

 

“Would you regret a second one?” Vereesa whispered.

 

Jaina contemplated the dream again, imagining a vicious Rhonin violently shaking his head telling her to say no. Jaina then looked into Vereesa’s mischievous eyes that appeared to glow in the dark with a raw hunger and cast the dream aside.

 

_You will only hurt her more!_

_She wants this!_

“I think I would like that,” she smiled and closed the distance between them.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so my plan is to maybe split this into two stories if people are up for that. One that follows a more sad/dark path that will probably have a happy ending (this story). And one where Jaina follows a different path after the same premise.


	3. Chapter 3

This was nothing like their first kiss. That had been fuelled by fear and desperation. If Jaina was being honest, she felt like she had robbed the magical moment of a first kiss. This should have been it. Hesitant and slow, as if they were scared the other was going to run away. Or rather, Vereesa thought Jaina would run again. But this time, Jaina had no intention of pulling away. No intention of moving from the hand gripping her waist over the duvet, pulling her closer and the one snaked underneath her head, tangled in her hair. It had been a long time since Jaina felt like fire was ravishing her body, consuming her in flames of desire that began to pool low in her stomach. If this was with anyone but Vereesa, Jaina was sure she would be embarrassed at how easy she got riled up. She blamed the elves love of gossip for the reason she told Vereesa her intimate secrets, including how long it had been since anything of this kind had happened, and that Jaina had never been with a woman before.

 

Maybe it was her bad taste in men that made this seem so different. So much more underlying passion than she had ever experienced. That she found the feel of curves and lean muscle under her trembling hands much more enticing than a man’s larger frame.  

 

All too soon Jaina had to pull away for air, a lingering taste of sweet honey on her tongue. She pressed their foreheads together and closed her eyes while she regained her breath, her hands resting on the elf’s waist and toned abs.

 

“Are you still okay with this?” Vereesa murmured, the hand at her hip drifting up to rub circles on her back.

 

Jaina hesitated before answering. What was the best way of explaining how she wanted this right now more than anything, but also felt as if she was tying an anchor to Vereesa’s feet and dragging her below the waves with her? That the notion of being ‘okay’ with this meant she accepted damning her friend to a dark path.

 

After a few seconds without answer, Vereesa began to roll away from her. Jaina grabbed onto her waist to stop her instinctively, still unable to formulate an answer in her head but knowing she didn’t want any distance between them.

 

“You can tell me no, Jaina. Whatever this-” Vereesa gestured between them, “is between us, I will take it at your pace.”

 

Vereesa was such a pure being of good. A polar opposite to the monster Jaina was.

 

“It’s not that I don’t want this, I just…” she trailed off in thought.

 

“You want to protect me from yourself,” Vereesa finished for her.

 

Jaina bit her lip and nodded.

 

“Oh, Jaina. I can look after myself, you should concentrate on your own wellbeing. When was the last time you ate?” Jaina gave her a sheepish look and Vereesa rolled her eyes.

 

“As soon as Hero’s Welcome opens, we’re going for food,” Vereesa sighed, returning to hold Jaina again in comfortable silence.

 

Xxx

 

After freshening up early morning, Jaina stood dripping wet in front of the floor length mirror in her bathroom unable to tear herself away from the sore sight before her. She had lost more weight since she last looked. What was once slight definition of abs after years of battlemage training had begun to soften. A light green bruise over her protruding ribs. Trailing her eyes further up her eyes settled on the angry marks lining her throat that would be hard to hide. A bland streak of blonde hair fighting against the encroaching white. She turned away from the mirror, not bothering to confirm the reflection of dead eyes staring back at her.

 

_Coward._

She wrapped herself in a plush white towel and entered the bedroom. Vereesa was sat at the end of the bed again, satchel around her body and giving her a welcoming smile. The smile faltered and her ears sagged as she spotted the mage’s neck.

 

“I don’t think I can go out like this, Vereesa,” Jaina sighed, perching on the bed next to her.

 

“I can go get us food to eat here if you would prefer?” Jaina nodded and Vereesa pulled her into a quick hug and rose, pressing a kiss on her cheek. She gave Jaina one last quick smile and disappeared through the door.

 

Jaina fell back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Unlike the easy silence the two had shared last night, the more time she spent in the quiet gazing at the imperfections in the masonry, the louder the voices berated her.

 

_She isn’t coming back. She’s seen how broken you are._

_She only went for food. She is caring for you._

_You’re so weak and pathetic. You can’t even feed yourself._

Her fingernails cut into her palm from how tightly her fists clenched, but it wasn’t enough to distract the downward spiral.

 

_You can’t get rid of your guilt that easily. The pain you inflict on yourself will never be enough._

“Shut up.”

 

The vile thoughts came thick and fast. The little hopeful voice being drowned out and lost in the depths of murky waters. She was going insane. Attempting to bring it under control, she scratched down her forearms, every pass harder than the last until every drag split the skin. The scent of copper filled the air, but it only spurred her more as the voice cackled at her, reverberating off the walls of her brain endlessly.

 

“STOP!” she screamed, bloodied hands fisting in her hair and tugging hard.

 

The door swung open with force, bashing into the wall and denting the stone. The sound startled her upright, hands falling to her sides and she wished she was anywhere else than where she was.

 

Vereesa scanned the room, a sleek dagger poised at the ready as calculating eyes scanned the room for threats. Her eyes quickly landed on Jaina and the dagger clattered to the floor with a colourful curse in Thalassian as she rushed over to kneel before her.

 

“What have you _done_ to yourself?” Vereesa hissed, using her hands to pull Jaina’s arms straight and surveying the damage.

 

Jaina’s shoulders hunched in disgust at herself. She couldn’t meet Vereesa’s eyes. She stared at the blood that had seeped into her ruined towel, bloodied arms that still trickled faintly. There was so much she couldn’t see how many gashes there was.

 

To put it bluntly; she was a mess.

 

“We need to get you to the healer, now.”

 

“I can’t,” Jaina whispered, pulling her hands from Vereesa’s grasp and wrapping her arms around her own shoulders.

 

“Jaina, _please_ talk to me. I can’t stand to see you like this,” Vereesa’s voice trembled.

 

_If you tell her, she will leave._

_You’re too broken._

“ _Please,”_ Vereesa begged, pushing Jaina’s chin up to look at her. Seeing tears race down Vereesa’s cheeks felt like an ice lance had pierced her heart. Not a day after their first kiss and she was already causing Vereesa more grief. No matter what she did she damaged people. That in hurting herself she was torturing Vereesa too.

 

With one last surge of darkness against the battered defences of her mind, Jaina broke.

 

The fragile gates that were desperately trying to hold back the torrent buckled and burst open. Tears flowed hot and fast and sobs wracked her body. Vereesa quickly sat on the bed and pulled Jaina into her lap, settling her head in her neck as she cried. A strong hand rubbed at her back, coaxing out the anguish. Her chest felt tight and every breath felt like was breathing in heavy smoke.

 

Knowing she wouldn’t be able to project her voice, she whispered, “I’ve lost everything, Vereesa. The pain it… it curbs the voices in my head.”

 

The elf stiffened “Are they talking now?”

 

The creeping shadow still lingered in her head but nowhere near as loud as before. Her breathless laugh had a dark edge to it, “seems they are shy.”

 

“I guess I’ll just have to stick with you and keep them in check” Vereesa kissed the top of her head.

 

Despite her current state, a smile tugged at the mage’s lips.

 

Jaina felt optimistic when the dark voice sounded quiet as it snarled _Its only pity_ in comparison to the louder encouraging, _she wants to be with you!_

 

“One believes you, the other thinks you pity me,” although voicing what only she could hear probably confirmed to Vereesa that Jaina was mad, the crushing weight of the depressing thoughts lifted somewhat. As if she wasn’t alone in her thinking.

 

“Well you tell that negative bastard it is wrong. I don’t pity you. _Anar’alah belore_ I adore your strength, your inquisitive mind and thoughtful nature. I wouldn’t change you for the world,” Vereesa murmured into her hair.

 

_Not even for her precious Rhonin?_

 

The tears began to slow as warmth blossomed in her chest.

 

“Now, at least let me tend to your wounds while you eat, and we’ll go to a healer later.”

 

After carefully wiping away the blood, Vereesa covered the wounds on her arms and neck in a soothing salve before wrapping her arms with bandages she retrieved from her satchel all the while Jaina munched gratefully on a ham sandwich. The lack of food meant the small meal was more than enough to fill her. Once her arms were sufficiently bound, Vereesa stood and tousled her wet hair.

 

“Alleria should be returning with the twins today. You can bring some things to stay at mine for awhile if you would like? And before your head tells you different, I want you to stay. I was being honest about sticking with you.”

 

The darkness hissed at being snuffed. Jaina was glad she didn’t have to ask.

 

“Yes, I would like that,” she smiled.

 

Jaina packed up a small bag with enough clothes for a few days, sluggish at the thought of going out in public where people would judge her. They would judge right of course, but seeing the disapproval in their eyes would only tarnish her mental state further. After changing into plain purple robes with long sleeves and a high collar, throwing a cloak over her shoulders and pulling the hood low over her face, they departed from Jaina’s room into the loud and populated streets of Dalaran.

 

Every time someone passed too close to her, she couldn’t help but flinch. Every time it seemed someone recognised her, she would duck her head and advert her gaze like a scolded child. The steadying presence of Vereesa’s warm hand resting on her lower back was the only thing keeping her grounded enough to make it across the city to the Silver Covenant quarters without incident.

 

The rangers that were loitering in the square outside the headquarters stood to attention as they glimpsed their Ranger-General, a left fist thumping the right side of their chest in greeting. As they neared a lone ranger, Vereesa ducked her head to whisper something Jaina couldn’t hear and he nodded once before departing towards the headquarters.

 

Once the door to Ranger-General’s ground floor quarters swung closed encasing them in solitude, the tension visibly seeped away from Jaina’s shoulders.

 

The quarters were relatively modest for someone of such a high-standing, which Jaina could relate to. A quaint little kitchen and dining table to the left of the door and on the right a sitting area with a hearth, big enough to house Vereesa, two unruly children and a visitor or two. A corridor that led to a small bathroom and two bedrooms either side, the largest belonging to the twins since the Ranger-General wasn’t always home. Paintings of Silvermoon and the forests of Quel’Thalas hung on the walls, little elven trinkets adorned the hearth, but Jaina’s favourite decoration was the two poorly fletched arrows that were displayed proudly on the windowsill that faced the square. Giramar and Galadin’s first attempts at fletching arrows at the tender age of 7.

 

Jaina moved to sit on one the sofa as Vereesa brewed some herbal tea. As the water boiled, Vereesa disappeared into her bedroom to change into fresh black leggings and a white button down, leaving the top three buttons undone where Jaina could see the swell of her breasts. Not that she was looking or anything. She eagerly accepted the tea that Vereesa passed her just to hide her face behind the mug and have something to do with her fidgeting clammy hands.

 

The elf joined her on the sofa after pouring her own tea and slipping off her boots. Although the sofa was big enough for them to sit without touching each other, Jaina felt comfort in the way Vereesa folded her legs beneath her and pressed her toes against Jaina’s thighs.

 

“Alleria should be here in an hour and the priest will be here soon to tend your wounds,” Vereesa sipped her tea and sighed in content.

 

Jaina had only met Alleria once and that was when she ported the Alliance from Lordaeron. No words or greetings had been exchanged between them and Jaina would be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous.

 

“What are we going to say to say about me staying here?” Jaina asked, staring into the brown-green water as if it held the answers for arcane theory.

 

“The twins will love having you here. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Alleria.”

 

Jaina dragged her eyes away from the steaming cup and cast Vereesa a puzzled expression.

 

“The void speaks to her. It tells her to do bad things and tries to control her. Every day is a mental battle to keep it under control. I know the void isn’t speaking to you, but I thought the coping mechanisms might help?” Vereesa looked at her hopefully, worrying her lip with a sharp canine.

 

The idea itself made perfect sense. The void was like having a kraken wrapped around every limb, taking control of movement, crippling free will and whispering dangerous promises of power in your ear. A crushing weight that never left. Jaina’s was much the same except the type of void she harboured wished for her own destruction. But Jaina didn’t feel comfortable bearing her soul to someone who was essentially a stranger.

 

“I will think about it,” Jaina smiled sadly.

 

Vereesa leaned over to squeeze her thigh, “that’s all I ask.”

 

A knock sounded at the door and Vereesa gave a quick greeting and moved to allow a tall Shal’dorei woman through the doorway who Jaina assumed was the expected healer.

 

“What seems to be the problem?” the woman asked. Her voice was like silk and Jaina recognised it as the same one that had tended to her wounds last time.

 

Vereesa gestured to Jaina, “Nothing bad, just some scratches that are going to scar pretty bad without your help.”

 

The woman came to sit beside her and Jaina reluctantly rolled up the sleeves of her robes. Slowly as if giving Jaina the option to refuse, the woman reached to take hold of one arm and carefully unwrapped the bandage before repeating on her other arm. The elf never said a word or looked in any way judging for which Jaina was grateful.

 

The healer lightly placed her palms on Jaina’s forearms, and a golden glow began to seep through her skin, knitting and repairing the gashes into angry pink lines that began to fade until they were nothing more than silvery lines adorning her flesh. She would forever be able to see them but thankfully nowhere near the mess they would have been unattended.

 

The woman moved her hands away when she was satisfied but the golden glow remained in one palm, glancing at Jaina’s neck, “May I?”

 

Jaina could only nod and close her eyes as the grazes were mended.

 

After awkwardly mumbling her thanks, the healer left with a brief nod in their direction. Jaina let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and sank further into the sofa.

 

Vereesa joined her again on the sofa, throwing an arm around Jaina and dragging her close so that her head rested on her chest. With her free hand, Vereesa delicately lifted one of Jaina’s arms, twisting it slightly to look at the healer’s handy work before pressing her lips to Jaina’s inner wrist. Her lips lingered and the mage was sure the elf could feel how her arm broke out in goosebumps, pulse rate accelerating and the tiny shudder that travelled up her arm as she kissed her wrist lightly before lowering her arm. It was such an innocent and heartfelt touch that it stunned Jaina momentarily, bringing into question again what they were to each other now.

 

Vereesa didn’t say anything about the mage’s reaction to her touch, just pulled her closer and kissed her head as they waited for the unstoppable force which were the Windrunner twins.

 

Xxx

 

If the boys were an unstoppable force on a good day, then today they were more chaotic than the maelstrom itself. Vereesa hugged them tightly when they arrived for which they were more than happy to reciprocate until they spotted a certain mage on the sofa. Alleria strolled in behind them casually giving Vereesa her own quick hug.

 

Meanwhile Jaina was being blasted with stories of their hunt in the Hinterlands, how Alleria had coached them to tune into the forests around them and track animal prints. They hadn’t mastered it yet but using experience from previous hunts with Vereesa they were quiet enough for Alleria to swiftly kill a stag for them to eat that night, showing them how to carve the meat and leave the leftovers for wildlife.

 

Alleria and Vereesa sat on the sofa opposite to Jaina watching the boys fondly as Jaina listened enthusiastically to their musings. Soon enough the boys began asking their favourite mage for simple magic that Jaina liked to show them. Conjuring a little water elemental in their cupped palms, watching their delight as the elemental began to swirl and dance in their hands. Although it was rather mundane magic, Jaina loved the smile it brought to their faces. She had wanted children at some point but gave up on that notion long ago. Azeroth was a dangerous place with an enemy always lurking and even without having a partner that could give her a child, she worried it wasn’t a safe place for one. Her proximity to Vereesa over the years meant she had developed strong bonds with the adorable little tyrants. They regarded her as an aunt and that was enough for Jaina. To feel the joy of children without all the bad parts mixed in.

 

Vereesa ordered them to go wash up and as their excited chatter drifted further away down the hall, the three adults were left in what Jaina felt was an uneasy silence. She didn’t know where to look so she just stared at her arms in her lap, the sleeves still revealing her scars.

 

“I didn’t get chance to formally introduce myself, nor thank you for your timely arrival at Lordaeron. Alleria Windrunner, former Ranger-Captain of Quel’Thalas and leader of the Ren’dorei,” Alleria held her hand out and Jaina cautiously leaned forward to grip forearms in the usual elven greeting.

 

_You arrived too late to save the armies. So much bloodshed._

Jaina quickly released her grip and slunk back into the sofa and Alleria shot a side wards glance towards Vereesa.

 

“Um… Jaina Proudmoore, Archmage of the Kirin Tor,” she mumbled, pulling her sleeves down and fiddling with a piece of loose fabric on her sleeve.

 

_And daughter of the sea._

 

She flinched visibly at the name and Vereesa quickly moved to sit beside her, thoughts fizzling away from the surface they were clawing at.

 

Alleria looked between them with a perplexed expression, trying to decipher what had just happened. Jaina wanted to ask Alleria about the voices so badly but couldn’t form the words with her mouth. The void elf would be understanding of the voices yes, but it meant one more person knowing just how weak she was. How utterly helpless and guilt-ridden she felt. She wasn’t sure she could make it through without an emotional breakdown and that was far too heavy for a first meeting. A burden that didn’t need to be shared.

 

Vereesa gave Jaina’s thigh a comforting squeeze to let her know she was there for her and Jaina was quietly surprised at how well Vereesa knew her. To know when she was struggling through something mentally and wasn’t totally in the room with a far-off look in her eyes.

 

Alleria cleared her throat awkwardly and moved to stand, “I should head off, there are a still a number of Ren’dorei that need seeing to.”

 

Alleria nodded in parting and quietly left the apartment, the only sound breaking the silence being Jaina’s laboured breathing. Vereesa put her arm around her shoulders and stayed silent as Jaina’s breathing returned to normal.

 

All too soon the twins came bounding back in, settling either side of the two adults. If they found it weird their mother was tenderly holding their adoptive aunt, their faces didn’t show it.

 

Xxx

 

The rest of the day was filled with mundane tasks and soon enough dinner time rolled around. Jaina helped Vereesa prepare and cook a pie that was filled with tender cuts of venison they had brought home with them. She was glad to be kept occupied, cutting vegetables, making a gravy from a bone stock and setting the table as the food baked. It was incredibly domestic and mundane, but it left Jaina with a sense of content. A place she felt welcomed and wanted.

 

As the hours moved closer towards night time, a nervous energy gradually built up inside her. She would dream again. She would wake up covered in sweat, heart thundering at whatever atrocities she would witness. The twins had departed a short while ago, hugging both Jaina and Vereesa before retiring to their shared room. All too soon it was time for them to follow suit, and every step towards the bedroom was like a step towards her death.

 

When she reached the open door, she paused at the entrance, staring at the large bed with a sense of dread. Strong arms wrapped around her frame from behind, pulling her flush against Vereesa’s chest. Lips brushed against her neck in what was supposed to be a supportive manner but Jaina felt herself shuddering and pushing further into warmth behind her.

 

“I bought some sleep potions while I was out if you would like to try them?” Vereesa murmured against her skin, placing more kisses along her neck, starting low and trailing up higher until she was kissing the sweet spot behind her ear.

 

Jaina could hardly formulate a coherent answer in her head at the sensation. Hell, she wasn’t sure she even heard what Vereesa had said. Her thoughts were swimming with the feel of the woman holding her carefully as if she was going to bolt, her soft lips leaving a wet trail on her skin.

 

The lips moved from her skin and sluggishly Jaina’s brain managed to decipher what had been said. Though the touch had disappeared, Jaina’s voice took on a husky tone as she stammered out a ‘yes’.

 

The warmth and arms around her disappeared as Vereesa moved to pulled her into the room. Jaina moved to undress and throw on a nightgown and Vereesa grabbed an elixir from her satchel, changing into her own sleeveless shirt and shorts on the way. After chugging down the sweet tasting potion, they climbed into bed, Vereesa rearranging them so her lithe frame was wrapped around Jaina’s back. It felt protective. Almost possessive in a way that no one would move her from the solid toned arm draped over her body that she cradled between her breasts, fingers interlocked  

 

The potion began to work its magic quickly, pulling Jaina further down into the depths of unconsciousness. As she slipped under, she vaguely registered a voice whispering in her ear, “Sleep well, Jaina.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anar'alah belore - by the light of the sun.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	4. Chapter 4

The potion worked as intended and Jaina slept through for the first time in a long while. She didn’t feel as rested as she thought she would, but the lingering effect of peace she felt was more than she had hoped for. It allowed her to wake slowly in the early sunrise without fear or clouded thoughts and truly appreciate the elf before her in quiet contemplation.

 

Vereesa had turned away from her at some point in the night and Jaina snuggled up against her back, pushing her nose into soft silvery white hair to breathe in the scent of Vereesa’s neck. The elf didn’t acknowledge her presence, so she figured she was safe. She traced her fingers lightly over the curve of her shoulders and down her arm. The earthy scent and warm body pressed to hers took her to a place of serenity and Jaina felt whole. The close friendship that had bloomed between them had been due to a mutual loss and as Jaina thought back on their relationship, she wondered how it was that Vereesa was so accepting of their current status. They weren’t dating but Vereesa was so ready to accept and give kisses and intimate touches that Jaina wondered if somehow the elf had been hoping for this. Jaina didn’t think herself desirable, but the signs all pointed to Vereesa liking her.

 

Did Jaina like her?

 

Yes. She wasn’t sure of how it came to be, but she acknowledged it. Human culture was set in its male and female relationships and was very rare to find same sex couples. Compared to the elves who we very open about their sexuality if it didn’t interfere with passing on a lineage. Jaina liked the elves open minds towards relationships but never thought for a moment she would find herself attracted to a woman. Could she see a future with Vereesa? Yes, she supposed she could. They got along so well like a house on fire and would be as easy as breathing to become something more. Could she be _physical_ with a woman?

 

Jaina imagined herself slipping the fingers tracing Vereesa’s arm down her body into silky folds and she felt a knowing ache start between her thighs. She groaned softly and pressed closer to Vereesa’s neck, thighs squeezing together.

 

Well she wasn’t completely sure if she would enjoy being physical, but she certainly enjoyed the thought.

 

Vereesa stirred and Jaina tensed, moving away slightly. Vereesa rolled over and through sleep-ridden eyes gave her a lazy smile.

 

“Mmm someone looks like she slept through,” Vereesa sighed, eyes already falling closed again and threw an arm around Jaina, pulling their chests together and touching noses.

 

“I had the Ranger-General to watch over me,” Jaina joked.

 

Vereesa’s left eye cracked open slightly at the remark and gave a snort of laughter, “Glad to be of service, my lady.” Vereesa gave her a chaste kiss and settled her head back into the pillow.

 

The growing tension between her legs was becoming uncomfortable, being made worse with just how cute Vereesa looked in her sleepy state, looking perfect with mussed hair and parted lips that showed signs of dribbling at some point in the night. Jaina practically melted at how adorable she was.

 

She moved to kiss Vereesa, slow at first allowing the elf to wake enough to respond back lazily. Soon it wasn’t enough and Jaina was kissing harder and more insistent, tracing a tongue against Vereesa’s lower lip. The elf moaned quietly and Jaina slipped her tongue between parted inviting lips, the taste of honey sending tingles through her body. The arm around her waist began to grip her hip and she could hear a low rumbling sound coming from Vereesa’s chest.

 

When they pulled away for air, both their faces were flush with slightly swollen lips, Vereesa’s eyes turning almost black with desire. It excited Jaina to no end and she dove in to kiss her again, shifting Vereesa onto her back and sitting on her hips, never once breaking the kiss.

 

“Jaina, no…” Vereesa murmured around Jaina’s lips. Instantly Jaina pulled away, trying her hardest to stop the worry that was attempting to take over her senses. Vereesa didn’t want this and Jaina had ruined everything.

 

_You’re a fool to think she could ever want you._

Jaina rolled back against the pillow with a huff, eyes starting to burn with tears of rejection. Vereesa wrapped her in a tight hug and the waterworks descended. Honestly, what was she thinking doing that?

 

“It’s not that I don’t want this, Jaina. _Believe me,_ I do. I just don’t know what you’re wanting between us. I want that to be clear,” Vereesa’s voice dropped to a near whisper when she continued, “I don’t want to be a mistake or another regret.”

 

“You’ve always been a good friend to me, Vereesa. We’ve known each other so well for so long I… it’s a new concept to me but I think I have feelings for you past that of friends,” Jaina admitted, the arms around her growing impossibly tighter, almost crushing her.

 

Vereesa’s voice was thick with emotion, “I thought I would never hear you say it.”

 

Jaina could only reply a confused, “what?”

 

“You were so caring when I grieved for Rhonin. When I thought maybe I was ready to move on you were still here giving so much to me. I noticed all these different things about you I hadn’t before. I fell for you but never said anything because I know how humans are with such things and didn’t want to ruin what we had. I couldn’t lose my best friend for selfish desires. I didn’t want to be alone again. You kissed me and I was hopeful, but with everything going on I wasn’t sure if you were just reacting to stress or if you genuinely wanted this. As long as we can stay on good terms, I will be what you want. Friends, partners, lovers…” Vereesa trailed off.

 

_She is lying. You will hurt her and she will leave. You will be alone._

 

The voice made her flinch, her words taking on a slightly higher pitch, “I don’t want to mess things up. When you kiss me, everything falls away and it’s just me and you. When you look at me, your eyes don’t tell me I’m a monster. I felt like I was only truly seeing you when I looked at you the other day. You’re beautiful in every way and I’m sorry it has taken me this long to see you in this light.”

 

Vereesa gave her a reassuring smile, “I would have waited many moons more just to stay by your side.”

 

She was certain Vereesa could hear how her heart stuttered at her words.

 

“Vereesa I know you won’t ask what happened but I feel like you should know what you’re dealing with,” Jaina swallowed around the lump forming in her throat, “when you found me…” she trailed off and Vereesa grimaced.

 

“I can guess at what happened but hoped it wasn’t true.”

 

“I thought about how guilty I felt for kissing you and ruining it all. I don’t want to drag you down with me. The only thing that made me fight was how you would feel if I did. Although it hurts to be alive, the thought of you losing someone else you were close to hurt more.”

 

Vereesa’s hand cupped her face and dried away a wet trail on her cheek, “you’re too good for this world, Jaina.”

 

“I’m not, I’ve hurt plenty of people. I don’t want you to be one of them.”

 

_You’ve already hurt her once._

Jaina frowned and closed her eyes, “the voice is back.”

 

Vereesa kissed her forehead, “Don’t listen to them. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

The sun had risen higher now, illuminating the room in a golden hue from behind Vereesa’s frame, casting shadow on the elf’s face. But nothing could hide the look of pure adoration that Jaina could see in clear blue eyes that seemed to glimmer with intensity. Jaina wanted to believe her so bad. Believe that she could be made whole again and have someone to hold her and chase away the kraken that bore down on her.

 

She thought she would never hope again. Vereesa’s patience and comfort over the past days was breaking that thought, rebuilding the platform brick by brick that had disintegrated at Lordaeron to lift her from the depths. The foundations were still shaky, but at least her head was above the water. She realised now she wasn’t in this alone. And that she had to at least _try_.

 

Jaina cleared her throat, “I’ll go see if Alleria will be able to spare some time today to talk.”

 

Vereesa gave her a chaste kiss, “thank you.”

 

“Don’t thank me yet, she might not even be able to help,” she frowned.

 

“You’re trying and that says enough,” Vereesa smiled warmly at her and she couldn’t help the upturn in her lips in response.

 

Xxx

 

Not long after eating breakfast with Vereesa and the twins, Jaina ported herself to Stormwind, much to the delight of the young boys who watched her conjure the portal in wonder. When she stepped through, she looked up at the large statue of Varian in front of Stormwind Keep, his large frame and stern face forever etched into stone. The only way she would see him now.

 

The absence of Vereesa was already beginning to affect her. In the way her fingers pulled at the fabric of her sleeves at the return of the crippling anxiety, how the swirling cascade of thoughts that had been relatively quiet was grasping with shadowy tendrils to root itself in the centre of her mind again.

 

Before the voice could manifest, she turned and briskly walked into the keep, making her way to the makeshift infirmary they had set up in the lower quarters. As she passed into the room, the stench of blood and death was overwhelming her nose in such an enclosed place. Sticking to only breathing through her mouth, she made her way through the cots lined with dozens of soldiers in various states of injury. When she reached the end of the row, she realised she hadn’t seen a single Ren’dorei. She quickly asked the closest guard who pointed her to a smaller room. As she rounded the corner, she realised that the void elves had been segregated into their own room. Jaina wasn’t sure if that was Alleria’s doing or because others thought they would be too unstable to keep them in the same room as the others. Jaina hedged it was the latter if the scene before her was enough to go by.

 

A void elf struggling on a hospital bed being pinned down by Alleria, purple wisps seeping out of his body. Alleria was holding him firm but not roughly, trying to talk him down from his incoherent rambling but he was having none of it. With what looked like a wave of purple magic, Alleria staggered backwards from the blow enough to allow the elf to scramble off the bed towards the exit Jaina currently blocked.

 

Jaina tensed as she looked at his trembling frame and black simmering eyes, the whites completely hidden. The elf began to run towards her, spitting words in a different otherworldly language and she only had moments to react. With a quick flick of her wrist, the elf disappeared with a ‘poof’ in a cloud of smoke that cleared away to reveal the sheep she had turned him into.

 

Alleria who had readied her bow, string taut to fire an arrow, lowered her bow silently with what looked like relief in her eyes.

 

“Priest, go get him something to knock him out so we can move him somewhere more secure,” Alleria barked to a woman Jaina hadn’t noticed was pressed against the wall. The human woman scurried off, squeezing past Jaina as she left.

 

“Thank you, Lady Proudmoore. That would have gone much worse without your intervention.”

 

Jaina shrugged and petted the sheep lightly on the head, “My pleasure. It won’t last long so time is of the essence. Apologies for interrupting, I was hoping you would be free for a little chat?”

 

The healer returned with one of the keep’s guards with a collar and lead, slipping it over the sheep’s head and leading him from the room. Jaina would have found the sight hilarious if it wasn’t for the anxiety making her skin prickle.

 

“He will be out for a while, I think I can spare some time,” Alleria waved for Jaina to lead the way and together they walked towards a small sitting room that the mage knew would give them some privacy. They sat in highbacked chairs that were facing an unlit hearth. The silence felt heavy between them, but Jaina pegged that to the adrenaline surging through her body, the sound of blood pounding in her ears. Alleria patiently waited, seemingly comfortable to let the mage gather her thoughts.

 

“Um, forgive me for asking but Vereesa said that the void talks to you?” she stammered out at last, facepalming herself internally at her lack of formality.

 

Alleria looked sceptically at her, eyes slightly narrowing, “It does. Every day is a mental struggle to keep it in check. Why do you ask?”

 

“I’ve witnessed many things over the years. Things that still haunt me. Vereesa thought you might be able to help me. I’m safe from the void but… all I hear in my head is my own thoughts constantly battering me. I’m sorry to unload all this onto you, but I said to her I would _try_ -“ a sob wracked her body, cutting off the rest of her sentence. She couldn’t see Alleria’s reaction through the blobs clouding her vision.

 

A soft touch on her shoulder made her jump, unable to muffle a yelp of surprise. Alleria sat on the arm of her chair, keeping her hand on Jaina’s shoulder and looking down at her with understanding in her eyes. Alleria had undoubtably seen many things over the years. Only to come back to Azeroth and have lost a sister at the hands of the Lich King that had been cruelly brought back as an imitation of the former Ranger-General of Silvermoon.

 

“Mental demons have long been compared to that of the void’s whispers. I help tutor the Ren’dorei in self-control. It isn’t easy to control it but finding your own inner peace and concentrating on what you’re fighting for are certainly things that will make it easier.”

 

_For Vereesa. You’re doing this for Vereesa._

_You’re doing this for yourself because you’re weak. You don’t care about her._

Jaina gritted her teeth at the voice, blinking back tears and nodded.

 

Alleria squeezed her shoulder and returned to her own seat across from Jaina.

 

“I can give you some pointers now if you would like?” Alleria offered softly.

 

Jaina nodded again, willing herself to get a grip and give Alleria her full attention as the elf imparted her knowledge. The amount of added pressure Jaina would have to undergo to help herself seemed too much. The voice was at least true in one thing. She _was_ weak. It would take so much psychological strength to keep up the constant battle of second guessing the thoughts in her head and think positive things she wasn’t sure if she could do it. Alleria promised to help when she could and after Jaina told her of the dreamless night using the sleep potion warned her that those things could become addictive. Jaina wasn’t thrilled at the thought of using the potions sparingly, but her qualms were thrown to the wind when the elf mentioned that she was sure a certain someone could help on those nights.

 

Jaina blushed. Had they really been that obvious?

 

Throughout the whole conversation, the voice didn’t say anything. Instead it was like a thundercloud in her head, crackling and rumbling in anger. Enough to distract her somewhat, but not enough to torment her.

 

As Jaina thanked Alleria and ported herself back to Vereesa’s apartment, she felt a glimmer of hope that things would be okay.

 

She was trying.

 

Xxx

 

A week went by since her talk with Alleria and Jaina still felt as shit as she did at the start of it, though at least now there was someone to make sure she was fed and watered. She used the potion every other day, and each time she woke up after a dreamless five-hour sleep, feeling slightly better but still nowhere near rested. On the nights where she didn’t use it, she would wake up drenched in sweat and shaking in Vereesa’s comforting arms, soothing her with reassurance and light kisses. Jaina hated herself every time it happened. Every time she woke Vereesa and saw the start of light shadows under her eyes. Jaina kept trying to tell herself that she didn’t need to be ashamed. That Vereesa was doing this because she wanted to help. But it didn’t do much but give the voice fuel to laugh at her.

 

Neither of them had made to continue what Jaina had tried to start. She knew it would be her that would have to push them forward, Vereesa staying at pace with whatever Jaina felt comfortable with. That didn’t help the doubt of Vereesa’s true feelings but buried deep beneath all the bullshit, Jaina knew it was for her own benefit. It was just buried _really_ deep _._

 

She tried to remind herself that Vereesa cared every time the elf made sure she ate, or when she had held her in her arms when the voices were assaulting her so much, she had struck out at the wall and broke her hand while Vereesa had been out.

 

Vereesa was going back to work today, unable to swing any more time off with the current pressing issue of her sister preparing to finish the Alliance off for good. Jaina was coming off the back of a sleepless night and cracks were forming in her resolve with every piece of armour Vereesa pulled on. The twins would be at school today, leaving her completely alone. It was going to be a hard day.

 

Vereesa gave her a brief kiss before leaving, promising to be back as soon as she could. When the door clicked closed behind her, it felt like the lid closing on a coffin. The silence was stifling. Jaina quickly pulled some robes on, realising she was on her last set and would need to return home today and pulled her hair up into a messy braid.

 

With a nauseating feeling settling in her stomach, Jaina realised as an Archmage she should really be talking with Khadgar about how they planned to aid in keeping the peace of Azeroth. Or at least, how to stop Sylvanas completely decimating the Alliance. It didn’t matter how much Jaina was suffering. There were people that could still be saved.

 

_People you will fail like every other time._

 

She needed a distraction from the silence and solitary confinement of the apartment, even if the conversation would be hard to have. Not stopping to entertain the voice, Jaina ported herself to the top of the stairs outside the Violet Citadel. Normally she would never use magic for mundane things, knowing how magic should be respected and used appropriately but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

 

The two guards stood at the doors to the Citadel looked surprised to see her but said nothing.

 

As she climbed the stairs of the citadel, she ignored the pointed looks in her direction. She was on a mission and wouldn’t stop until she was on the top floor at Khadgar’s office, lest her resolve crumble.

 

Her raised fist hovered over the door. Jaina hadn’t really thought of what she was going to say, or what news of the Horde would await her. Just that she couldn’t sit on her hands while the world collapsed around her. With a surge of determination, she knocked twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vereesa is a babe and I love her


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Real life things, block and other things kept me from writing. I'm not all that happy with the chapter but I was sick of looking at it. Please note Rating bump. Don't get your hopes up *too* much at that! Mainly for later things as Jaina is a baby gay c: Would also like to thank Xenpachii for giving this a look over! Anywho, happy reading!

“Come in.”

 

Jaina pushed open the door to the office and instantly regretted coming to Khadgar’s office. The table in the middle of the room was piled high with books, so much so that Jaina couldn’t see the man she knew was behind it. Over to the left wall an additional table had a large map of the Eastern Kingdoms with little Horde banner statues that appeared to be moving down through Arathi Highlands towards the Wetlands. A sinking feeling began in her chest. She already knew those banners were headed towards Ironforge or Stormwind.

 

A head popped up over the masses of books as Khadgar stood, his eyes sullen and only the faintest trace of a smile, “Ah Jaina, glad to see you out and about, what can I do for you?”

 

Jaina cold only spare a parting glance at the Archmage, her gaze still trained on the Horde banners while the images of Lordaeron danced behind her eyes. What was she thinking? She wasn’t ready for this.

 

“So, they plan to finish it then,” her voice quivered, already knowing the answer. She balled her hands into fists and felt arcane pool there, a purple glow emanating.

 

Khadgar moved from around the desk and stood next to her, eyeing her illuminated hands with hesitance, “yes. We think Sylvanas is going to go straight for Stormwind to dethrone King Anduin.”

 

Jaina gritted her teeth, “and what will Anduin do?”

 

“He plans to surrender. They don’t have enough military power to fight and he would prefer no more blood be spilled.”

 

Of course Anduin would surrender. There was nothing else he could do to protect his people, but it still hurt to know that this was it. Sylvanas was going to win. Would she bring them all under her banner? Accept the races of the Alliance into the Horde and continue? Jaina doubted Sylvanas would ever let the Kaldorei or Gilnean’s into the fold even if they wanted to. There was too much bad blood between them. Tyrande would never forgive Teldrassil and Genn would never forgive the murder of his son. Would the Horde slaughter them all and raise them as forsaken? Jaina wouldn’t put such a barbaric act past Sylvanas. At one point in time Jaina believed to share common ground with the banshee and felt in some way responsible for her death, but Sylvanas _chose_ to go down this path of destruction instead of rising above it and leading the Horde to a new bright future.

 

“What will the Kirin Tor do?”

 

“We will remain neutral as always. We will help portal out Stormwind and Goldshire citizens and stop unnecessary bloodshed.”

 

_There is nothing you can do. The Alliance will fall._

Jaina’s whole body went cold, a freezing cascade shooting through her bloodstream. All she had done was buy them some time. Once again she found herself wondering if only she had arrived in time to stop the blight spreading across the battlefield, maybe it would have turned the tides. Not a win, but not a loss either.

 

Through the rush of blood pounding in her ears, she hardly heard Khadgar asking if she was okay. All she could see was the stupid Horde banner statue, the red seeming to bleed down from the carving onto the map, seeping into the scroll and painting the Eastern Kingdoms with blood. There was so much blood. It coated the whole map red before beginning to drip to the floor, the drops coming faster until it was a torrent pouring off the table towards her feet.

 

Jaina stumbled backwards before the blood touched her slippers, backing up until her body pressed against the door. There was nowhere else for her to go, it wouldn’t stop flowing. By now her breathing was ragged, unable to stop her heart thundering. The red began to seep into her shoes, soaking the fabric and coating her toes.

 

A weight landed on her shoulder and she recoiled away, Khadgar’s hand outstretched to her previous position. The room felt stifling as if there was no air to breathe, choking her with nothing to bring her out of the scene playing out before her eyes that made her stomach churn.

 

_All this blood is on your hands!_

Her hands felt damp. Once glowing with arcane, they now glowed red.

 

“Stop,” she mumbled over and over again, the word slurring into an incoherent stream. Hastily she conjured a portal not paying much attention to where it went and fell through, landing hard on her hands and knees on cobbled stone. The acid taste moving up her throat was the only warning before she threw up, expelling the light breakfast from the morning. Her whole frame was shaking with exertion and laboured breathing, her vision blurred.

 

The sounds around her were so muted she couldn’t make out where she was. Her eyes wouldn’t move from the stomach contents below her to even check. There was so much _blood-_

 

“Jaina!”

 

A faint familiar voice sounded over her shoulder, but she didn’t have the strength to lift her head from where it hung. After the brief sound of frantic footsteps, Jaina could make out a pair of armour clad knees clattering to the ground beside her and a warm hand on her forehead soothing the icy chill she felt throughout her body.

 

“Jaina, I’m going to get you somewhere comfortable, okay?”

 

Before she could comprehend what was happening, the hand on her head disappeared and two strong arms scooped her into a bridal carry. Her neck was limp, and she stared into the clear sky barely recognising the tops of buildings. Not long and the sky disappeared, replaced with a stone ceiling as they passed into a familiar scented structure. Her body was laid down on something soft and the pillows beneath her head allowed her to finally see more than just up.

 

She was in Vereesa’s room. Jaina furrowed her brow and turned to her right and there was Vereesa. Eyes wide with panic with ears flat against her skull and face drained of colour.

 

“Jaina, what _happened_?” Vereesa asked, her voice trembling.

 

Her throat felt raspy as she tried to talk, “I went to see Khadgar.”

 

Jaina didn’t think it was possible for the elf to go even paler, “Jaina you’re not ready for this yet, you need to-”

 

Jaina cut her off, “I have to be ready for this, Vereesa!” she shouted, instantly regretting it from the fall in Vereesa’s expression, ears drooping. She continued softly, reaching out a quivering hand to cup Vereesa’s cheek, “Sylvanas won’t wait for me to get better to attack.”

 

Vereesa flinched at her sister’s name and sighed, closing her eyes and nuzzling into Jaina’s touch. The warmth under her palm felt like an anchor keeping her hand there, smoothing her thumb over soft high cheekbones.

 

After what felt like a lifetime of silence Vereesa spoke, “She offered me undeath once,” When Jaina didn’t comment she continued, “I accepted at first. I wanted us to be a family again. But I couldn’t do it to the boys. Now I see what she has become, I’m glad I turned it down.”

 

Jaina pondered the information for a moment. If Sylvanas had turned her sister, would Vereesa have been able to reign in the banshee and prevent the current destruction? It could have been possible. But that meant Vereesa probably wouldn’t be with her now and that was painful to think of. No, Sylvanas wasn’t Vereesa’s burden to carry. It would be hers.

 

“If… If I had to kill Sylvanas, would you hate me?”

 

_Yes, she would loathe you._

 

“It would hurt, but I know it would be the right thing to do. I’m sure Alleria would agree with that. I don’t think I could ever hate you, _dalah’surfal_.” Her voice that had started off so strong became almost a whisper at the end, a tentative admission as if not to spook her.

 

Jaina’s mind went blank. She knew enough Thalassian to know what that meant. The words were like music to her ears. A sweet song too good to be true that wove itself into the roots of her soul. The rambling in her head faded away and it was just them, staring into each other’s eyes. This didn’t feel like the times Arthas had said it. Their relationship had been founded on a political pairing that they grew into. This admission was free, no ties attached, no forced emotion. But she had only realised her feelings for Vereesa very recently. She wasn’t sure what she felt was love, but every day she fell a little further for the elf. For her beautiful smile that seemed only reserved for her, amazing deep pools of azure that she found herself lost in and a soothing voice that chased all the negatives in her life. Despite that, she wasn’t ready. It meant solidifying what they had and opening it up to be taken away from her.

 

She couldn’t say it back. She wasn’t ready, “Vereesa, I…”

 

“Shh,” Vereesa kissed her forehead, “I love you, Jaina. I don’t expect you to say it back. I’ve had a long time to think about this and know in my heart it is true. Only say it if you feel it. And if you don’t feel it, I understand.”

 

Jaina felt at a loss, “I can’t,” she whispered.

 

Vereesa smiled at her warmly “I understand.”

 

They stayed silent for a while, Jaina teetering on the edge of sleep from exhaustion. Through muddled thoughts, she played the words over and over again in her mind and grasped hold of the one thing that could give her some redemption. A way to try and repair the cracks in her soul and allow her to love again.

 

She would kill Sylvanas before the banshee reached Stormwind and hope that the other leaders would stop their ruthless crusade or at least have more mercy when taking the city. There was a chance she would be thrown out of the Kirin Tor for breaking neutrality, but Jaina was willing to risk that position for the good of the denizens of Azeroth.

 

For Vereesa.

 

For herself.

 

Xxx

 

_Even from inside Stormwind Keep, Jaina could smell the burning of the city around her. Could taste it on her tongue every time she gasped for air in her panicked state. Stormwind had fallen and Sylvanas lounged on the throne, looking down upon the mage with a sadistic grin that Jaina hated._

_Jaina’s legs ached at being knelt for so long, the hands tied behind her back with magic-supressing shackles wrenching her shoulders painfully. She had arrived too late again and after seeing the devastation the Horde had caused had given herself over to the Warchief, hoping her suffering would end with a quick death. She should have known that would not be the case._

_“I won’t be the one to end you, Proudmoore. There is someone_ much _better suited to give you what you want,” Sylvanas smiled darkly, eyes simmering._

_A door to her left opened and she couldn’t have imagined Sylvanas to be this much of a heartless bitch. Vereesa strode in, clad in her Ranger-General regalia but she wasn’t the warm inviting elf Jaina knew. Her skin had a blue tinge, hair a dull lifeless white and burning red eyes boring holes into Jaina._

_Vereesa knelt before her, tilting her chin so Jaina had no choice but to look into deep vermillion orbs._

_“Jaina…” her voice was all wrong. It was hollow and tinged with undeath just like her sister’s. Gone was the soft alluring voice that Jaina loved to hear say her name. She couldn’t help the sob that escaped her. Everything truly was gone that she cherished._

_“Just end it already!” Jaina wailed._

_A hand rested on her shoulder and a dagger pressed hard against her breast where her heart beat rapidly beneath. Vereesa leant towards her, breathing cold puffs of air onto her neck._

_“I want you to know I lied. Every. Damn. Thing. Was a lie,” Vereesa murmured in her ear._

_The words struck her like a pyroblast and as the crushing recognition set in, the hand on her shoulder dragged her onto the tip of the dagger, piercing through her skin and stabbing her heart as the elf laughed._

She awoke startled from a firm hand on her shoulder shaking her awake. Vereesa was sat on the edge of the bed, eyebrows scrunched together in worry at the mage. She could still hear how the dark elf had laughed, a manic cackle that pricked at her ears.

 

“Your heart rate was dropping dangerously low there, are you okay?” Vereesa asked, voice tinged with worry.

 

Jaina came round and pushed herself up on the pillows, blinking back the tears that had formed in her sleep and staring deep into the elf’s eyes. The blue of her irises, enhanced with arcane were shining clear and bright, no red to be seen. Eyes that held no trace of malice like the ones in the dream. Eyes that instantly helped to soothe the terror.

 

Still looking directly into her eyes, Jaina asked, “Do you love me?” waiting with baited breath for an answer.

 

Vereesa’s eyes widened in suprise, but they remained clear. No trace of deceit that Jaina could see, only adoration.

 

“I do. With everything I am,” Vereesa answered fervently without hesitation.

 

Jaina closed her eyes and sighed, “Then I am okay.”

 

Xxx

 

Another week passed in a blur. Or at least, she thought it was a week. The days started to blur into one. The sleep tonic she abused now every night allowed her dreamless sleeps and the new medicine she had picked up kept her comfortably numb throughout the day while Vereesa was tending to war plans and the twins were out. It was becoming addictive but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. The boys would be home before their mother and Jaina and Vereesa both agreed it was best that the mage be out of the house until Vereesa came home, lest anything happen. Strangely, Vereesa hadn’t asked her what she was doing with her time alone, although the fact she came back unharmed probably said whatever it was was safe enough. There was approximately a two hour window where her head was clear from the haze she enjoyed and thankfully Vereesa was there for the entirety of it. The Ranger-General didn’t know she was medicating in her absence. Or at least she hoped she didn’t. The disapproving look whenever she chugged down the sleep aid was enough.

 

Her self-destructive nature was a problem, especially around children. She wasn’t fit to be in a family unit and yet she would return to the apartment every night because she was too weak to stay away from her saving grace. Apart from their agreement, Vereesa hadn’t mentioned staying away from Giramar and Galadin. Jaina thought it odd when she was so unstable, but she was sure she would be able to get away from them if an incident occurred.

 

During her few hours away from the Ranger-General’s quarters, she would go to her own apartment and attempt to read or teleport to one of the floating platforms around Dalaran and look down upon the Broken Isles, pointedly keeping her gaze away from the Broken Shore where Varian fell. The scars that the legion had left upon the land made her slightly uncomfortable, remindering her that she should have been fighting them too, but in the end the war was won. The isles were now peaceful.

 

Jaina hadn’t been back to see Khadgar since the incident. Even while intoxicated, she didn’t want to hear it. The worry. The _pity._ No, she didn’t want that. Vereesa provided updates on the Horde’s movements and soothed away the anxiety it brought before it consumed her. It allowed her to set in motion her own plan separate from the Kirin Tor or Silver Covenant.

 

Sylvanas was no easy target. Jaina knew she had to be on her best form and thinking clearly to match the banshee queen. The remnants of the Alliance and all she held dear counted on it. Although Jaina knew she wielded incredible power and skill, she knew she was in no state to fight at the moment. She was rusty and needed to build up stamina again. Underestimating Sylvanas would only prove disastrous. And with that she set to work.

 

While still comfortably under the influence, Jaina went into the training arena within the Violet citadel equipped with her staff and slipped through the portal there that contained a simulated reality for mages to use immense amounts of power without causing destruction to Dalaran. She had used it a handful of times before transitioning to Archmage. Knowledge and level-headedness were of course large factors in her promotion, but a large raw display of magical prowess and a deep mana pool certainly helped things along.

 

The virtual reality around her was set to simulate wave defence in a woodland clearing, a stream running off to her left that would prove useful later on. As the first pack of six orcs spawned running at her with axes raised, she quickly dispatched them with quick thrown ice lances. She wasn’t as quick as she would have liked, her reflexes dulled by the potion, but she shrugged it off and prepared for the next wave.

 

The waves began to get quicker and larger, ranged units beginning to appear for her to pick off before the melee attackers could reach her. Sweat beaded on her forehead, the physical exertion of throwing spells and lifting her staff after weeks of non-use making her dwindled muscles burn. Her mana pool was fairing much better, only using a small portion by the time the first elite enemy appeared.

 

A night elf druid shrouded in an ethereal blue glow, a staff slung across her back. Jaina readied herself and dashed to the side as a moonfire blasted into the dirt at her previous position. The elf was already casting her next spell and Jaina quickly flung ice lances in her direction, the druid stopping her cast to dodge. Before the druid stopped moving, the mage began to cast polymorph, only just finishing the cast before she had to sidestep another moonfire. With the couple of seconds free cast time, she conjured a frostbolt, holding it at the tip of her staff and infusing more frost into the cast before letting it fly just before the polymorph wore off. As the druid shifted back from the sheep, the frostbolt hit her square in her chest and sent her flying backwards. The frost spread across her body, encasing her in ice and as her body hit the ground, it shattered into a million tiny ice crystals.

 

Jaina dropped to one knee and panted, thankful for short period of rest before more waves spawned in.

 

Xxx

 

To say Jaina was exhausted after her training was an understatement. A deep fatigue settled into her muscles and she barely retained enough mana to teleport to Vereesa’s bedroom.

 

Her training session didn’t go as well as she had hoped, tiring much more quickly than she used to. Fifty-six normal waves and five elites was nowhere near her best, but considering everything she didn’t think it was too bad. A well placed thrown spear had briefly touched her back between her shoulder blades before the enemies despawned and the simulation reset.

 

She didn’t know the time but the potion was beginning to wear off which indicated that in approximately two hours Vereesa would be home. Faint laughter could be heard from behind the closed bedroom door and Jaina sighed. She really wanted to go have a bath and freshen up but didn’t want to be around the boys alone.

 

She fished out a mana potion from the bedside cabinet and downed it, the liquid seeming to spread out from her throat into her tissues, filling her with warmth. With a huff she stripped out of her sweat sodden robes, untied the braid in her hair and flung herself face first onto the bed, burying her face into Vereesa’s pillow and inhaling deeply. The earthy smell she loved permeated her senses, a warm blanket of comfort settling over her tired and bare body. She was so comfy she couldn’t find it in herself to get up and pull clothes on. It was too warm to have the sheets on too. With a content sigh she closed her eyes and hoped she woke before her favourite elf found her.

 

Xxx

 

Jaina blearily opened her eyes at the dip of the mattress beside her and rolled backwards onto her left side to face the movement. It took her a few attempts to blink away the sleep and focus on the elf perched on the side of the bed, a sly smile tugging at the corner of her lips and eyes a shade darker than usual.

 

“What’s got you so tired today?” Vereesa asked, deft fingers brushing back the mage’s hair out of her face and resting her palm against her neck.

 

Jaina hummed in content when the hand tangled in her hair and scratched lightly, eyes slipping closed again, “combat training,” she mumbled, the motion making her feel drowsy.

 

“Have you been okay today?” Jaina barely heard the words in her state of bliss and was disgruntled when the hand left her head and she felt a light poke in her stomach.

 

The action made her jump and curl slightly to protect her abdomen, and with wide eyes took in the pale expanse of her thighs.

 

She hadn’t put on clothes before falling asleep. Vereesa was _right next to her._

Jaina couldn’t stifle the high pitched squeak that left her mouth as she hurriedly reached back to pull the sheet over her. It was a wasted effort as it only managed to cover half of her. She was so incredibly warm, her whole body tinged pink and radiating like the sun in embarrassment, “Oh tides, I am so sorry I was just so tired I-“ she stammered before the elf bent down to silence her with a swift kiss.

 

Vereesa pulled away with a large mischievous smile, fangs showing, “What could you possibly have to apologise for?”

 

_Your weak and disappointing figure_

Jaina ground her teeth and brought her knees up to her chest, trying desperately to hide as much of herself as possible, staring at the elf’s cloth midsection that was twisted in her direction. She heard Vereesa sigh slightly before placing a palm on her cheek.

 

“If it said something bad about you or me, it isn’t true. It was a surprise to find you like this, but it definitely isn’t a bad one. Dinner should be about ready, do you want to eat in here or all together?”

 

There was no way she was going to stay on her own like this, “I’ll join you,” she moved to begin standing but paused as it would mean revealing herself again. Vereesa moved without a word and stood in front of the door with her back towards her.

 

Jaina got up hastily and began rifling through Vereesa’s drawers for something to throw on, settling on a pair of slack linen trousers that tapered at the calf and a sleeveless shirt. As she lifted her arms to slip on the shirt, two hands gripped her hips. She managed not to jump at the sudden contact and pulled the shirt down, the hands still under the fabric.

 

“Seriously Jaina, your body is _exquisite_ ,” Vereesa breathed against her ear, making her shiver. Vereesa kissed her neck and gave her hips a quick squeeze before pulling away, grabbing hold of Jaina’s hand and pulling her towards the door.

 

Jaina was still blushing head to toe when she sat at the table. Giramar and Galadin joined her and it only took one look at her before they started giggling at each other.

 

“You look like a salmon!” Giramar managed to get out between laughs.

 

Vereesa turned from stirring the pot of vegetables to tap the end of a wooden spoon on his head lightly.

 

Jaina laughed at Giramar’s petulant face before he couldn’t keep it up anymore and began smiling again.

 

Over dinner, the boys talked about their day at school, telling the adults how boring it was that they weren’t old enough to begin speciality training yet and how they were excited about a senior Kirin Tor mage that would be visiting next week to see if any of the children had any latent magical talent.

 

Jaina decided to forgo telling them that she could sense some magical ability, preferring them to get the full impact in showing off in front of class mates. Vereesa and Jaina locked eyes and smirked at each other for a moment before throwing themselves back into the boys’ animated conversation. _Elves and their sensitivity to magic_ she rolled her eyes.

 

As they finished and cleaned up after dinner, they moved to the sitting area, the boys playing an intense game of chess while Jaina sat snuggled under Vereesa’s arm around her shoulders watching them.

 

Vereesa ducked her head towards Jaina’s, briefly kissing her cheek and whispered “I managed to get tomorrow off if you would like to spend the day together?”

 

A small smile broke out on her face, “I would love to,” she whispered back.

 

Xxx

 

As the two clambered into bed that night, Jaina fresh from cleaning the grime from her skin, she couldn’t help the anxiety that flowed through her. After the incident earlier in the evening, all she could think of now was how good it had felt to not wear clothes while asleep, and what Vereesa had said. At home she slept in the nude but apart from the incident in her apartment had always had clothes on when sleeping beside Vereesa.

 

_Jaina, she said she liked your body. Just take your shirt off it’s not a big deal. This is purely for comfort_

_Keep telling yourself that. If she wanted you, she would have made a move already_

The increase of her heart must have been easy to tell to sensitive ears as Vereesa peered over at her with a questioning stare.

 

Jaina took a deep breath and with the flick of a hand snuffed out the light. She knew Vereesa could comfortably see in the dark, but it gave her the illusion of at least being partially covered. She sat up slightly and quickly threw her shirt and bra onto the floor, quickly hiding under the covers again, pulling it right up to her nose to hide her blush.

 

Vereesa looked at her dumbfounded before a smile slowly graced her features.

 

“Um… You can take yours off if you want to. I mean, if you usually sleep without one don’t let me stop you,” she mumbled, thankful the duvet muffling her rambling.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Vereesa asked, sitting up and lightly gripping the hem of her shirt.

 

Jaina briefly thought and made up her mind, “yes.”

 

Without another word, Vereesa shrugged off her shirt and using the faint moonlight filtering in through the window Jaina was slightly stunned to see she wasn’t wearing a bra. She was going to look away when she began to take off of the garment she told herself, but now she was just left staring at the elf’s perky chest.

 

Even if she was just a silhouette in the dark, Jaina’s mouth went dry and she licked her lips, half to wet them and half in desire. Vereesa’s eyes glowed faintly with arcane, illuminating her smirk.

 

“See something you like, dear?”

 

Jaina only nodded, knowing the elf would see it. The potion was tugging at her senses and she cursed herself for having already downed it. She didn’t know if anything would happen, but she would never know.

 

Vereesa laughed, and sank under the covers, rearranging them both so that Vereesa was flush against her back, hand resting on her stomach. As the potion pulled her under, Vereesa nosed at her hair and breathed in deeply, nails digging in lightly at her hip and exhaling with a quiet moan before relaxing her grip and settling.

 

Xxx

 

When Jaina awoke, the first light of dawn trickled in through the window, but that isn’t what stirred her from her slumber.

 

She didn’t dream while medicated, but she was certain she had been having a dream that bled through into reality. At least, she hoped it was reality. She couldn’t remember what the dream was about, but if the ache between her legs and the slickness she felt when she shifted her thighs was anything to go by, it was a good one. At some point during the night the two had shifted to face each other but the thing that woke Jaina was lips pressed against hers fervently. At first she was stunned wondering what the hell was going on, but as a tongue pushed into her mouth she gasped and returned the kiss with full force.

 

Jaina was the first to break the kiss but Vereesa didn’t stop, only moving down to her neck and licking a stipe up to her ear and biting softly at her ear lobe.

 

She shuddered at the sensation and managed to gasp out, “Vereesa… what- ”

 

“Mmm you woke me up, remember?” Vereesa replied, kissing her way back down to her collarbone and sucking lightly.

 

“I don’t… I don’t remember what happened.”

 

At that Vereesa withdrew completely to look at her, eyes dark and wild “Oh _belore_ , if I’ve done something you don’t want me-“

 

Jaina was quick to shush her, “no, no I just woke up and this was happening, it’s just startled me a little. What started this?”

 

Vereesa rolled onto her back, the covers at her waist revealing her bare chest that rose and fell faster than usual, “I felt your hand on my breast but I thought nothing of it at first, just a random placement while asleep but you started making noises. Gods you were _moaning_ and touching me. I was half asleep and just gave into it. I’m so sorry if I overstepped the mark.”

 

Jaina deliberated for a few minutes, torn as to what to do. She was so incredibly aroused but her inadequacies on the subject matter left her anxious. She undeniably wanted Vereesa, which was extremely obvious to her now. She wanted to make the elf come undone with her name on her lips but she wasn’t sure how. Jaina knew what she liked to do to herself, but it was completely different with someone else. Someone she wanted to _please._ It also unnerved her at how fast things had progressed, but she reasoned with herself that they had known each other for years and had been emotionally so close that the advance past friends didn’t seem that much of a push.

 

With a slightly trembling hand that she cursed herself for, she reached out to rest her fingers on the elf’s stomach. Jaina could feel questioning eyes on her but she kept her gaze focused on her fingers as to not lose her determination and slowly moved them north, hesitating for a moment at the curve of a breast before extending her palm over and gently squeezing at the soft mound.

 

Jaina’s eyes averted up to Vereesa’s at her sharp intake of breath, “Is this okay?”

 

Vereesa nodded enthusiastically, “More than okay. But if you want to stop at any time, just say the word.”

 

At that, she continued, massaging her breast in slow rhythmic movements, eventually stopping to give a curious light pinch to her hard bud. Vereesa moaned faintly, a sound that went straight to her core. The sound was like music to her ears. A song she wanted to hear more of.

 

Jaina shifted under the covers to straddle Vereesa, keeping the duvet over her shoulders and moved her hand to her other breast while she braced her elbow next to her head.

 

Vereesa looked so amazing underneath her. Platinum hair spilling over her pillow, slightly parted lips and hungry eyes seeming to devour the mage. She could hardly believe it was real it was so perfect.

 

Jaina pressed forward and kissed her fiercely, biting and sucking at her lower lip, hand tangling in her hair. The scent and feel of Vereesa was intoxicating. She couldn’t think of anything accept the woman below her, kissing her back with as much force as she gave, swallowing a moan when she squeezed her nipple again.

 

She kept her hand steady, broke away and began to kiss her way down her neck, chest, and finally without a second thought dragged her tongue across her other stiff peak. Vereesa arched her back, Jaina more than happy to repeat the action, swirling her tongue around the bud.

 

Jaina was so painfully turned on, and if the noises she was pulling from Vereesa were anything to go by, the elf was the same way. And yet she felt apprehensive about going further. She couldn’t bring herself to go any lower, a mental barrier keeping her in safe territory no matter how much she wanted more. She moved to place her forehead against the elf’s, arms resting either side of her head and eyes screwed shut trying to quell her frantic breathing.

 

Vereesa immediately realised something was wrong and wrapped her arms around her in a tender embrace. She felt another piece of her fall for the Ranger-General. The loving and understanding woman that even in the throes of passion could push it aside as if it was nothing to make sure she was okay. No expectations or questions. It filled her heart and placed another foundation for her to climb upon.

 

It was progress at least.

 

“Thank you,” she whispered.

 

The arms around her squeezed gently, “anything for you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all should be happy Jaina finally gets to nap in this universe.  
> Sorry this has taken so long. Went away for awhile, struggled with writers block and generally didn't know where I want to take this  
> So have this.

“Again.”

 

Jaina groaned at the dull ache radiating from her knee after it had taken the brunt of her fall. She ached from training the previous night but she wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to spar with Vereesa in hand to hand combat.

 

They had freshened up after their early morning activities and after the twins had left for school, Vereesa had asked if she wanted to train to start off their day together. After enthusiastically agreeing, they had travelled to the sparring ring in the training grounds of the Silver Covenant. At this point, Jaina was beginning to question if that was such a good idea.

 

Twice she had been thrown to the ground. It was only with the necessary amount of force, some easy warm up skirmishes, but oh boy did grappling hurt her sore muscles. And since she was spending the entire day with the Ranger-General, she had to spend the day painfully sober. There was a constant undercurrent of anxiety that she couldn’t shake, a tingling that prickled her skin and the day had only just started.

 

She stumbled to her feet, brushing off the dirt from her leathers and assumed her stance again, fists raised. She wasn’t the best at close combat - especially compared to someone as trained as Vereesa - but she wasn’t falling at the first strike which she took as a win.

 

Jaina half expected Vereesa to look smug, knowing full well she could put half effort in and still wipe the floor with her but was quietly – and happily - surprised to see her so focused. A neutral mask and calculating eyes that seemed to rip apart her stance and find her weak spots. It was unnerving to have those eyes look at her like a predator poised to leap, ears alert and twitching at every sound Jaina made, very much looking the Ranger-General she was. And yet at the same time they reminded her of how she had looked at her the previous night.

 

She edged closer and raised her fists to signal she was ready and the two began to circle, Jaina scanning all of the elf’s lithe body for any hint as to where she would strike.

 

As quick as a flash, Vereesa dashed forward, left fist raising at the last second aimed at her face. Jaina easily deflected with her right forearm, but the elf merely adjusted on the fly, sinking slow and using her right leg to sweep hers from underneath her.

 

Jaina fell to the side, but managed to roll out the way as a fist hit the ground next to her. A fist that would definitely have hit if Vereesa had wanted it to. But it mattered not as when she was scrambling to her feet an arm wrapped around her neck, locked in place with the elf’s other arm and squeezed lightly.

 

Jaina tapped the arm twice and the arms fell away. There was no way she would win in basic combat against Sylvanas if it came to it. She was faster and stronger. Basic fighting would never be a possibility unless she could use everything in her arsenal.

 

She turned and smiled at Vereesa, “Would we be able to try something different?”

 

Vereesa returned the smile, a hint of mischief shining in her eyes, “what would you like to try?”

 

“I was thinking that I should train the way I would actually fight,” at that, Jaina called on her magic, a soft blue glow emanating from the outside of elbow to the back of her palm, tingling as a thick layer of ice formed over her skin as armour, “don’t go easy on me.”

 

And so the two danced. Every deflection Jaina made with her forearms were painless. Every time Vereesa would tackle her to the floor she would form a thin needle of ice that would press against the elf’s throat and make her yield before the mage did. Even while using magic, she still got her ass handed to her. Vereesa was a true force of agility and cunning, coming at her from all angles. Her entire body was battered and bruised right now but the pain felt good. It made her focus more and away from the growing storm in her head that was beginning to give her a blistering headache.

 

As Vereesa hauled Jaina to her feet for the last time, a ranger clad in her leathers approached Vereesa and whispered in her ear. Vereesa visibly tensed and gave the ranger a curt nod in dismissal.

 

Jaina waited for the ranger to salute and leave before asking, “What’s wrong?”

 

Vereesa hesitated and Jaina immediately envisioned the worst, thoughts spiralling over what the Horde could have done.

 

“Horde soldiers have been sighted in Loch Modan. It would appear the Wetlands didn’t slow them down as much as we thought. We have around two weeks until the Horde make it to Stormwind.”

 

Two weeks.

 

Jaina had less than two weeks to mentally prepare herself for another battle and plan out her attack so soon after such a painful loss. She could barely hear Vereesa continue over the blood rushing in her ears.

 

“Sylvanas has sent a letter to King Wrynn confirming the terms of surrender. Anyone that refuses will be killed. Those that accept will be taken into the Horde but will have to earn their keep.”

 

_She will torture them. You will save no one._

 

“When I envisioned peace between factions, this was not how I wanted it to start,” she managed to gasp out. Years she had strived for peace. _Years_ and yet no one would listen. The surrender of a faction brought to its knees by the other wasn’t peaceful. Nor was it for the good of all those involved. It only served to make the Banshee the undisputed leader of Azeroth and wipe out her competition. She didn’t want to stop unnecessary death like Jaina did. She wasn’t doing it to see the different races of the same class eventually become friends and share in their teachings like Jaina wanted.

 

It seemed the only time people ever listened to her was when she was the one on the warpath. Talking her down from Orgrimmar. Arguing with her over her decision to oust the Sunreavers. No one cared when she pleaded.

 

_Peace? There will never be peace on Azeroth._

 

“Hey,” Vereesa pulled her into a tight hug and she melted in her embrace. She needed to get a grip and focus. She didn’t have time to wallow in self-hatred while there was something she could do. No matter how well her efforts had turned out in the past, she couldn’t stop herself wanting to help. Jaina was powerful. She could have levelled Orgrimmar. Obliterated an entire city in an eye if she hadn’t changed her mind. She needed to protect those without power.

 

Nonetheless, she couldn’t help sinking into the strong arms wrapped around her chasing away the doubts.

 

Just for now, she would be selfish.

 

Xxx

 

It had only just passed noon and Jaina was ready to decapitate herself from the pain in her head.

 

Honestly, why had she been so stupid as to think she could take potions every day and not feel withdrawal? The natural light felt like it was burning her eyes and the dimly lit Hero’s welcome wasn’t any better. She was trembling slightly, a thin sheen of sweat coating her skin which only grew worse the more Vereesa worriedly stared at her over the secluded table.

 

“Are you alright? You don’t look so good,” Vereesa placed her hand on the table palm up and Jaina placed her vibrating hand in the elf’s. Her skin felt incredibly warm to her, a calloused thumb smoothing over the back of her hand.

 

_Can’t even handle a day on your own. So pathetic and weak._

Jaina grit her teeth, jaw straining so hard she could hear a worrying creak, “No.”

 

“Do you want to leave?”

 

She nodded sharply and cursed when it felt as if her brain had just slammed into her skull at the motion. They briskly walked back to Vereesa’s quarters, Jaina allowing the protective arm wrapped around her shoulders to keep her walking straight with her eyes closed. She knew people were probably staring. _Whispering_ what on Azeroth the two were doing together. Wondering what was wrong with poor Jaina. It disgusted her. She didn’t need or want the pity.

 

By the time they made it through the door, Jaina was on the verge of meltdown. It was taking all of her effort just to stay focused. She immediately went to the bedroom knelt at the bedside cabinet she had filled with her things and hastily pulled out a vial. As she uncorked it, her fingers fumbled and it fell, the glass bouncing off her lap and spilling its contents over her leathers and the floor.

 

She let loose a wail and slammed her fist into the wood, shoulders hunching as sobs wracked her body. Once, twice she breathed deeply, the exhales unsteady like her trembling form and the next time she opened her eyes, she was startled to see Vereesa knelt next to her, calmly grabbing another vial and uncorking it without a word. A calloused finger angled her chin up and the glass was placed against her lips. She drank the liquid, guzzled really, until it was gone and collapsed against the elf.

 

She pushed her nose against her neck, and inhaled her calming scent, allowing it to surround her completely. In that moment she wasn’t embarrassed like she normally would be. The smell of earth and even the musk of sweat from earlier training comforted her, a safe tranquil harbour amongst stormy seas.

 

“I had wondered why you were suddenly able to get through a day without incident. Oh, Jaina… I know why you do it but it’s a bad road to be on. I’m sorry I can’t be with you a lot, there is just so much that needs to be done and-“

 

“No, Vereesa. Listen, it’s my own fault. I don’t expect you with me all the time. It’s just so _hard.”_

“Two weeks, Jaina. Two weeks and we can truly work on this together. Hold on until then. You’re doing so well,” Vereesa lifted them both and deposited Jaina on the bed, moving round to pull the curtain closed against the light for which she was thankful for.

 

“Do you want to rest for the rest of the day? Jaina nodded and began to untie her leather cuirass.

 

“Would you mind if I read some reports next to you?”

 

“Not at all, just being next to you is enough,” as Vereesa left, Jaina shimmied out of her leggings, deciding to forgo any cotton pants and slipped under the covers.

 

Vereesa returned with a hefty stack of reports and sat them on the bedside table. The potion began to kick in, the pressure in her head dimming fractionally and she watched with an almost drunk haze as Vereesa stripped out of her leathers, the strong muscles in her back contracting and lengthening and she bent slightly to pull on some pants before slipping in bed beside her.

 

Jaina had never been bothered about muscle definition before but _Tides_ seeing her upper back muscles in action was just so arousing. Idly she thought of how those muscles would look when she was wielding a bow, all tensed. And then how those tensed muscles would feel under her _hands_ -

 

She felt the heat rise to her cheeks and covered her face up to her eyes with the covers hoping the elf wouldn’t notice and already knowing it was probably futile.

 

“I can hear your heart hammering, Jaina. No point in hiding,” Jaina flushed even more and Vereesa chuckled, a smooth tinkling laugh that wasn’t helping things.

 

The mage bit her lip and cautiously moved closer, laying her head on the elf’s collarbone, wrapping her arm around her waist and throwing a leg over hers.

 

Vereesa purred happily, seemingly fine with being pinned to the bed and picked up a report with one hand while the other began to trace lines over her back. It felt so natural and calming it was if they had been together months rather than a mere few weeks.

 

“You’re a good elf, ‘reesa,” she slurred, nuzzling against said elf’s neck.

 

She could feel more than hear Vereesa laughing, “And you’re a good human, Jaina. Now take a nap before the kids come home and we can go out and do something if you’re feeling better”

 

“I didn’t have the sleeping one, I don’t know if I will dream. All I do is sleep. I just want to spend some time with you” she couldn’t help the yawn that escaped her midway through the sentence.

 

Vereesa paused and lowered the report to lay on her stomach and turned to look down at the mage, “I’ll still be here when you wake up. Want me to wake you up in an hour?”

 

“Mmm, please” she sighed, heavy eyes already closing and she felt Vereesa kiss the top of her head.

 

Xxx

 

“Jaina, you’re going to make me combust if you keep doing this in your sleep."

 

The mage groaned at her rude awakening, inwardly grimacing at the drool that coated the elf’s neck and her own cheek before blearily looked up at the other woman.

 

Her eyes were dark and her jaw looked to be strained, ears stood to attention and quivering. She took a moment to try and understand what could possibly be wrong when Vereesa shifted slightly and brought to attention where the hand that had been on her waist had wandered to.

 

_Oh no._

 

She immediately drew her hand away and scooted backwards away from Vereesa, trying desperately to ignore the wetness coating her fingers, wiping them quickly on the quilt.

 

She failed. In those few moments she couldn’t shake just how _warm_ her hand was and how much slick she felt pooled where her fingers had rested snug against her folds.

 

“I am so _so_ sorry, what is _wrong_ with my brain honestly I don’t even remember anything,” she huffed and flung the covers over her head.

 

Vereesa shuffled under the covers with her, the arcane of her eyes faintly illuminating the darkness, “Jaina, I don’t mind you touching me. I mind that you don’t know you’re doing it.”

 

“This can’t keep happening though. It is just going to frustrate the both of us.”

 

“Maybe you’re sexually frustrated?” the elf suggested.

 

Jaina opened her mouth to respond but let it fall closed again. Maybe she was. Tides knows she couldn’t go on like this forever. Poor Vereesa would never get any sleep with her around. She couldn’t remember the last time she got herself off. Couldn’t remember the last time she felt like doing it. Months ago, she presumed. There was nothing that piqued her interest enough to do it. Now though. _Now_ she was sharing a bed with her best friend turned girlfriend who she had seen partially naked. That was definitely something that piqued her interest.

 

“I’m not saying we have to do anything. But maybe if you were to pleasure yourself this might stop happening and allow you to progress at your own pace,” although the elf said the words easily, Jaina blushed at the words. Honestly, the elves and their ease at sexuality was awe inspiring most of the time. Not when it was directed at her though.

 

 All Jaina could do was stare at her as if she had grown another head. This was not a conversation she ever thought she would have, nor did she want to have it.

 

Vereesa quickly continued, “Hey, it was only a suggestion. I don’t need to know if you do or not. I mean…” she trailed off and for the first time ever on this subject, Jaina actually thought she sounded flustered, “if you told me you did it, that would be _more_ than okay.”

 

Jaina slowly caught onto what she was eluding to and as she was about to respond, Vereesa cut her off with a quick kiss, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Just, do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

 

“… I will think about it. Certainly not today though. Might have to bind my hands tonight so I keep them to myself.”

 

“Jaina, _please._ ”

 

“What?” Vereesa raised a long eyebrow and suddenly Jaina realised the weight of her words, “…oh. Um, you know what I mean.”

 

“I do, but you’re such an innocent tease. C’mon, let’s get dressed before the Maelstrom gets home.”

 

Xxx

 

By the next day, Jaina had thought about Vereesa’s suggestion more times than she cared to admit. She had awoken that morning after Vereesa had left, and at least to her knowledge, nothing had happened. That wasn’t a good marker for anything though as she had to lie on her back, legs parted after coming around fully to stop her thighs creating friction.

 

“I’m nearly forty and I’m acting like a damn teenager,” she grumbled to herself.

 

She stared at the ceiling, trying to think of anything but the ache between her legs and failing to think of anything but that. She found it funny that she wasn’t even allowed the pleasure of knowing why she woke up like this. That she could have nightmares no problem and remember every last detail, but without a sleep aid she couldn’t remember something that she obviously enjoyed. Summed up her life really. The bad masking over the dim shines of positive memories in her life.

 

_She said you could._

_You don’t deserve to feel good._

_Just once…_

_You have planning to do._

Jaina had to concede that point. She really did have things to do. She shouldn’t be wasting time on something so trivial. And yet, she felt so on edge. So highly strung that maybe clearing one thing off her plate would help her focus, if only a little. Being honest with herself, she was just trying to come up with a good enough excuse to justify doing it.

 

Vereesa needed uninterrupted sleep. That was the point.

 

…And Jaina wanted to rid herself of the ache between her thighs.

 

She sighed and made herself comfy against the pillows, trailing a finger down from her collarbone, fingertip barely brushing her skin as it danced over the swell of her breast then swirled around her nipple, once, twice before continuing. By the time she made it to the band of her underwear, she was quivering in anticipation. It had been _so long._

She took it slow, knowing from previous attempts that rushing things only served to frustrate her more. That same finger skirting around her clit to delve into wet heat between her folds before dragging it up over her nub.

 

That one pass was enough to light fire under her skin. The breath she didn’t know she was holding flew out in a low pitch moan and her thighs contracted instinctively. It had almost been too much pressure, even as light as she was touching with how sensitive she felt.

 

With less weight, she passed again. This time it was enough to make her quiver and felt her entrance clench. She started a slow pace, fingertip running small circles around her clit that pulled soft moans while her other hand fisted in the sheets. All the while trying to ignore the thoughts whizzing around her head that was putting her off. She instead tried to think of Vereesa, imagining how the elf would look laid on her front, riding her fingers. How her strong back and shoulders would tense under a thin sheen of sweat that glistened in the morning sun.

 

Soon she was getting close. She could feel the way the fire underneath her skin was pooling low in her belly, aching, _begging_ to be released and yet she found herself teetering on the edge. Close enough taste just a fraction of pure ecstasy yet far enough away that her now desperate movements weren’t taking her any closer.

 

With an annoyed huff, she untangled her free hand from the sheets and slipped two fingers into herself, grateful to finally feel her walls clenching onto something. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t crook her fingers _just right_ to hit her sweet spot, only enough to glance it every so often but not often enough to bring her any closer. The voices that rambled in the background laughed at her now. She couldn’t get past the stupid sound ringing in her ears to relax enough. She wasn’t sure how long she tried, but it was long enough for her forearms to burn with exertion before she realised it was hopeless.

 

“Argh!” with a frustrated cry, she withdrew her hands and wiped them on the sheets. For a fleeting moment she thought it was rude to just do that to Vereesa’s bed sheets but then she decided she really didn’t care.

 

She couldn’t relieve herself and now she was in an even worse position. Achingly close that she felt live wired, the sheets covering her lower half feeling too much on her sensitive skin. She threw the covers off hastily, wrapped herself in a robe and stormed off to have a cold shower and stern words with herself.

 

Xxx

 

Thoroughly cooled to the point of being an ice block and half a potion down, Jaina set to her tasks for the day.

 

She thought through countless options. Cutting off the Horde before they got into Elwynn forest and somehow splitting Sylvanas off from the others. Meeting them at Stormwind gates, attempting to solve things diplomatically. She needed to get Sylvanas alone to kill her and even then, she needed the others to stand down. Baine was her best bet but he still had to convince the others to stop their hostile takeover. It was paramount that it was made clear Jaina was working alone. If she successfully killed Sylvanas and the Horde wanted revenge, she didn’t want that being taken out on innocent people that would have surrendered. Basing a plan purely on hope wasn’t a good idea. In fact it was a _terrible_ idea but she didn’t have enough to work with. Realistically why _would_ the Horde give in when they were so close to absorbing their biggest threat?

 

Or maybe… Maybe with Sylvanas out the way, they could surrender and keep their cities. Stormwind would remain. Anduin would still be king, but gold and blue would be replaced with red and black. It would be a small price to pay to keep independence of some degree. Better than being treated as second class citizens.

 

It took her hours to mull over scenarios and still didn’t find herself any closer to having a solid plan. There was always a fault in it. She stretched, bones cracking from sitting in a hunched position over her notes on the coffee table for so long. It was a little over noon and she decided to go do more battle mage training. Her muscles were still aching from grappling with Vereesa the day before and she knew that today would be much harder than her first attempt, but she would try her best.

 

As she stepped into the virtual world, she set the program to a lone archer on maximum difficulty, unlimited arrows and unlimited stamina and readied herself.

 

Xxx

 

The dance with the archer went on for over half an hour before she tripped over a rock, slamming to the ground and unable to cast blink fast enough before an arrow pinged her shoulder. Each attempt after that just got worse, exhaustion seeping in but she pushed on. She had the power, she just wasn’t executing it effectively. Against a military expert like Sylvanas, that wouldn’t be enough.

The potion was beginning to wear off but Jaina resolved herself not have the other half. She could do it. It wouldn’t be long until Vereesa was home.

 

After returning to her own home to brush up her memory on the inner workings of time warping, she returned to Vereesa’s home, feeling slightly on edge but well enough to walk back. As she went to open the front door, she could hear loud giggling inside and a frustrated Vereesa shouting something. When she pushed open the door, she was greeted with the sight of Vereesa carrying Giramar and Galadin over each of her shoulders down the corridor towards the bedrooms.

 

Vereesa turned slightly as she entered to look over her shoulder and the boys’ held their heads up, wide smiles on their faces.

 

“Hey Aunt Jaina!” they called in unison before Vereesa let them down and pushed them into their room, shutting the door behind them.

 

“You’re not allowed dinner until you clean that mess up in there! And I _will_ be checking!”

 

Jaina could only stare in bewilderment at what had just occurred and Vereesa gave a sheepish smile as she moved to close the door behind the mage and pull her in for a tight hug.

 

“What have I just witnessed?” Jaina asked, slipping off her cloak as Vereesa moved to the kitchen.

 

“Teenage boys playing a little too rough and breaking things,” even though she shook her head disapprovingly, there was a small smile tugging at her lips.

 

They settled into easy conversation while rustling up food for that night. Honey glazed buns and a root vegetable soup. Jaina had never made the baked Quel’thalas delicacy before and Vereesa was more than willing to teach. It was a huge effort to concentrate on kneading the dough properly when Vereesa was stood behind her, hands on hers showing her how to do it. Her cheeks were positively flaming when they left it to proof while chopping vegetables but thankfully the elf didn’t seem to notice.

 

A domestic life wasn’t one Jaina had ever experienced before, nor wanted. Being a child of the Admiralty meant that they had servants for this kind of thing. The same was said for when she was with Arthas. While living alone she had never bothered to learn how to cook or bake past simple things to get her through. But she found herself enjoying these moments. The warmth she felt when she would return and there would be people happy to see her, a comforting embrace and a tender kiss waiting for her. It finally felt like she had a family again. It sure beat returning to her own home where only silence would greet her.

 

She was brought out of her musings when she felt a sting on her rear. She yelped at the little slap she received before Vereesa came to hug her from behind, arms encircling her waist.

 

“You away with the fey-dragons there?” Vereesa smirked, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek.

 

“I was just thinking of how much I love spending time with you and the kids. Its… nice. A change of pace.”

 

The arms around her gripped harder, “and we love spending time with you, Jaina. I think… I think Rhonin would be happy for us. Maybe even annoyed that it took us this long.”

 

Usually the mention of Rhonin would bring up the crushing guilt Jaina felt. She still felt that somewhat but saying Rhonin would be _happy_ for them… Vereesa wouldn’t say that unless she was absolutely sure. The meaning wasn’t lost on her. It was an acceptance into the family if she wanted it. And Tides did she want it.

 

She had _family_ again after losing it for so long. But she also realised it meant that she could _lose_ family again.

 

Tears welled up in her eyes and she turned in the elf’s arms to wrap her arms around Vereesa and bury her head in her neck.

 

“I’m certainly annoyed I didn’t see this sooner,” she whispered against her skin, peppering kisses from her throat up to her jaw, tasting the salt from her tears.

 

“You took as long as you needed to,” Vereesa said, cupping her face and capturing her lips in a long kiss.

 

When they broke away, Vereesa pressed their foreheads together for a few moments before kissing the tip of her nose and pulling away with a loving smile that made Jaina melt.

 

“Let’s get these buns glazed and in the oven,” Vereesa said, putting the dough into a tin and painting on what seemed to Jaina an overabundance of honey.

 

_Elves and their sweet tooth_ Jaina thought fondly.

 

Xxx

 

To Vereesa’s surprise, the twins had cleaned up their room pretty well and were allowed to eat dinner with them. Not that Jaina actually thought Vereesa would stick to that rule. She may lead a militant organisation, but she was a complete push over when it came to her boys.

 

The twins sat ready at the table and as Jaina was setting out the spoons for the soup, the two began to giggle before Galadin called her name mischievously.

 

“Yes, Galadin?”

 

“You have a flour handprint on your butt.”

 

The boys giggled louder when Jaina launched the spoon in her hand at Vereesa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think and how I can improve!


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